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Alanna shakes her head. “Not at all. Just that first time at the beach, and then at your house for dinner. Why do you ask?”
I shake my head. “It’s nothing. I was just curious.”
She smiles and takes a bite of her pasta, the two of us eating in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
“Oh! I forgot to tell you,” she says, dropping her fork. “I found a few places I think could work, so I won’t be bothering you much longer.”
The mere thought of her leaving has my heart aching. “Don’t leave,” I murmur, my tone pleading. “There’s plenty of space here, and as you’ve noticed, I’m rarely home. There’s no need for you to leave.”
She looks up at me, wide-eyed. “I, um, I can’t stay here.”
“Why?”
She blinks, as though she isn’t quite sure herself. “It isn’t appropriate, and I don’t want to invade your privacy.” Her expression turns anguished, and I know exactly what she’s thinking of.
“You were jealous last week, weren’t you?” I murmur. “You brought Raven up last night too. Did her coming to the office really bother you that much?”
I wonder if she has any idea how hard it was for me to see her with Ryan, the two of them sitting opposite each other in my own goddamn home. I don’t want her to hurt the way I did, but part of me is glad that she’s jealous too. It gives me hope.
Her head snaps up, her eyes wide. “No,” she denies. “I wasn’t jealous.”
I nod and bite back a smile when she shoves her plate away, her expression serene but her demeanor betraying her. “I thought the way you stormed into my office was pretty cute. The way your eyes flashed with possessiveness was hot. Honestly, I really wanted to kiss your anger away.”
Alanna looks away, her expression flustered, and I can’t help but smirk. She’s so fucking cute. Every time I worry about our future together, she gives me a little sign that proves she still cares. She might not understand why, but she does.
“I want you, Alanna,” I admit. “I’ve wanted you for far longer than you can imagine, and your past with my brother doesn’t change that.”
She looks down at her plate and shakes her head. “And this is why I need to leave,” she whispers. “Because a part of me wants you too, and we can’t go there. The entire company knows me as Ryan’s ex-girlfriend, and you’re myboss. If things go wrong, they’d goreallywrong, and we can’t afford for that to happen. This job means everything to me, Silas. Besides, do you really want to hurt your brother like that? Us being around each other outside of work is a terrible idea.”
I shake my head and inhale deeply. “Or it’s a great idea, baby. No one needs to know. This is our own space, separate from work. Ryan has no access to my home, so it’s not like he can show up here.”
She looks into my eyes, clearly tempted, yet she shakes her head. “I can’t. It was wrong of me to sleep with you that night, and with us living together the lines are blurring even more. I don’t know what it is about you, Silas… I know I should walk away, yet I keep finding myself gravitating toward you. It’s wrong, and I hate myself for it, but I can’t stop myself either. I know I should leave, but I desperately want to stay.”
“Then stay,” I whisper. “Just stay with me, Alanna. Stop looking for a place to live, and just let me take care of you. I won’t lie and pretend I don’t want you, but I won’t actively pursue you if that’s not what you want. So just stay with me.”
“Aren’t you worried about hurting your brother? You and I… we barely know each other. What is it about me that makes it worth the risk? Ryan will never forgive you if he finds out. You’re hisbrother, Silas. That’s not a relationship you can just walk away from.”
I look into her eyes, trying to figure out the best way to answer her. “Alanna, all I know is that I feel like myself around you. You say that you aren’t sure why you gravitate toward me, and it’s the same for me. I don’t know why I want you so badly, why you make me smile like no one else ever has before, and I’m not sure why I want you in my space when I’ve always loved being alone, but I do.”
“I don’t get it,” she whispers. “Why me?”
I lean back in my seat, my eyes roaming over her face. I’ve missed her so fucking much. As the years passed, I wondered if I’d even want her as badly when I finally found her, if perhaps we’d find we’ve outgrown each other, but no. I still need her as much as I need the air that fills my lungs.
“Because you’re the only woman who’s ever made me smile when it feels like breathing is near impossible. You breathe live into my broken heart, mending my soul when I thought it was forsaken. You do something to me that no one else can, and I don’t know how or why, but I know I can’t get enough of it.”
Alanna bites down on her lip, her cheeks flaming. Sitting opposite me at the table, she’s never looked more beautiful.
“So stay,” I whisper. “Stay here with me.”
ChapterForty-Five
Alanna
I look up from my desk when Silas walks in. He smiles at me, and my heart skips a beat. All I’ve been able to think about all day is the way he looked when he asked me to stay. I’ve analyzed our situation countless times in my head, but he doesn’t stand to gain anything by being with me. He doesn’t seem to be lying about wanting me either, but I find it hard to believe he’d be willing to hurt Ryan over me. Unless he’s just after a secret fling? But if that’s the case, why would he want me to live with him?
I think back to the way he held me after I woke up from my dream. Every time I’m around him, I find myself doing things that are out of character for me. I’ve never sought out company after a dream like that, yet being in his arms made me happy. It set my restless heart at ease.
I can’t figure out what’s so different about Silas. Is it because I slept with him? Or is it the kindness he always shows me, despite his rough manner? I’m not sure what it is, but I feel safe and comfortable around him. It’s a feeling that’s eluded me ever since I woke up in the hospital five years ago. He makes me want to stay with him, even though I know better.
