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“That was thoughtful, child, but I don't eat breakfast most mornings.” She leaves the apartment after grabbing her Bible and I sigh. I sit at the lonely table and let my tears fall. I don’t want to waste food again, so I stand and wrap everything, then place it into the fridge for lunch. I’ll be coming back here. I won’t risk another confrontation, even if eating in the courtyard was memorable.
I leave the kitchen after my mess is clean, and walk into the living room area with a mug of hot apple cider. The family pictures on the mantle of a better time still haunt me, but I stare out of the stained-glass window at the forest beyond. It really is a picturesque place. Maybe in a few days I can ask permission to leave the Academy and go into the small plaza we have here on campus. I’d love to stop by the book store and maybe get something new to read. I have a feeling I’m going to be spending a lot of time here in the apartment.
I finish my drink, take my cup to the sink to rinse the glass, then move back to my room to get ready for Mass. I didn’t have to go yesterday, but I think today I need to make an appearance. Atone for what occurred yesterday, even if, once again, it wasn’t my fault.
When I reach the double doors to the chapel, I’m surprised to find that there aren’t many students there, just the faculty. Am I even allowed to be here? I spot Sister Mary in a row three pews behind my grandmother, so I quietly make my way to her. She greets me with a smile and waves for me to sit beside her.
“I’m not sure if I should be here,” I whisper, and she laughs lightly.
“Chastity, you’re always welcome to come pray, but no, usually the students take advantage of sleeping in another hour or so.” I internally groan, but keep a mask on my face and smile.
“Noted. Thank you, Sister,” I say, then turn to listen to the priest as he starts to pray. I close my eyes and ignore the man who just joined us and chose to sit beside me. He has an overwhelming presence, and his cologne is hard to mistake.
I can’t help but breathe in deeply, but then get lost in Mass, praying for not only redemption but the small promise of a better life.
* * *
I’m sitting in class,listening to Father Levi as he lectures, and my thoughts wander. I don’t mean to, but I have so much on my mind today. Father Levi keeps staring at me, and I want to ask if I have something on my face. It’s making me feel self-conscious and uncomfortable, but at least he’s not picking on me today. So I will accept that as a small mercy.
Drifting from class to class, I feel disconnected from my day, but know I need to get it together. Gym class is next, and the mean girls always find a way to mess with me during it. I don’t want to be distracted and end up with a ball flying at my head.
In the locker room, I struggle to squeeze into my gym uniform again, and grumble as it barely fits over my breasts.
I really need to request a different size, but after everything that’s happened, I keep forgetting. Though, if I keep skipping meals, I may not need to bother.
Today, our exercise of the day in class is yoga. I’m all the way in the back this time, but I don’t mind it, given how my clothes fit. I swear, bending into some of these positions is making my shirt ride up, and makes the yoga not very relaxing at all, as I struggle to make sure I’m not flashing anyone.
Finally, I breathe a sigh of relief as the class comes to an end. Head down, I scurry to the locker room to change out of this wretched outfit when I hear my name being called.
“Hey, Chastity, can you wait up just a second, please?”
Ash’s tone makes my feet slow, when I should run away from him after yesterday. Sighing as I turn, I realize there’s something about him that makes me want to give him another chance, but everything is so complicated.
“Yeah?” I ask softly, my eyes drifting up to meet his golden ones.
“Look, I wanted to apologize for kissing you the way I did,” he begins. My eyes widen, because what girl wants to hear that? I’m not a normal girl, by any means, because of my past, but the kiss itself wasn’t bad… was it? I don’t have any practice, and honestly, that was my first real kiss. It was just everything that followed after that made it awful.
“Wait.” Ash blows out a frustrated breath. “I’m not great at apologizing,” he admits. “To be honest, I’m… really bad at it.” I can tell he’s biting back curse words, and my lips curl in amusement.
Ash stares as if he is just seeing me, and his hands clench into fists.Did I make him angry?
“I want to make it clear that I shouldn’t have kissed you in front of so many people without your permission. It was really nice talking to you, even with Bridget, Lisa, and Monique living up to their Bitch Squad reputation,” he says, and I nod, staring at him.
I don’t know what he wants, and I realize just how awkward I must seem, thanks to my upbringing.
“I… I wanted to ask for your forgiveness,” Ash says, reaching out and carefully squeezing one of my hands. “I didn’t mean for everything to spiral the way it did. Bastian is still angry with me, and I couldn’t stand it if you were as well.”
“I just don’t understand why you’d fight over something like that,” I whisper. Sweet Ash manages to find a way past my walls, which also makes him dangerous.
“Bast likes you, sweet girl. Do you really not see it?” Ash asks, taking another step towards me.
Shaking my head, I start walking backwards towards the relative safety of the locker room.
“No, I don’t. But I forgive you, Ash. Even though I don’t really understand everything that happened yesterday. Listen, I’m in a lot of trouble at the moment, and I have to go.”
Whirling around, I run away from him. It may make me a coward, but I don’t know how to process how my heart stutters when he looks at me.
There are half naked girls all around me, and I avert my eyes as I start to change. Thankfully, I didn’t work up too much of a sweat, so I don’t have to get fully nude around them. That’s a level of vulnerability that I’m not comfortable with around people, but especially so many bitchy classmates.
