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Sincerity rang in every syllable, and she couldn’t help but love him for it. “Thanks. Anyway, that’s not the point. The party we were at, the group met on a pretty regular basis. James and Liv didn’t come every time, but I did. I needed the release and I enjoyed playing. Didn’t matter with who.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
“I never said there was.” Amused by his immediate defense of her honor, she snuggled in closer. “There was a man. A Daddy, and we started playing together on a regular basis at the parties. I even met him at his place a couple of times for a scene here and there.”
For once, the pain was a dull ache and not the stabbing, twisting of a knife in her heart she was used to. Still, she had to swallow hard several times before she was able to speak the words. “I fell in love with him, even though we’d never really talked about forever, or even being exclusive with each other.”
“What happened?”
“I told him how I felt, and that I wanted more than just the occasional scene. He looked at me like I had two heads and told me I wasn’t the kind of girl a man settled down with. That brats like me were good for a scene, but hell to live with, and he was looking for a real Little girl and not just someone playing the part.”
She was pretty sure the string of swear words he let loose would not only get her mouth washed out with soap, but her ass blistered to hell and back.
It was really very sweet.
“Are you quite finished?” she asked when he finally fell silent.
“For now. What did he mean when he said he wanted someone who wasn’t just playing the part?”
“After our first couple of scenes, he wanted me to be a lot younger than I normally was. Bottles, pacifiers, even diapers. And I know a lot of people enjoy that kind of play, but I don’t. He basically told me I didn’t have a choice because he was the Daddy, and I was so starry eyed in love with him, I accepted it.”
“I’m going tokillhim.”
Love for him filled her, sealing up the cracks in her heart she’d had for so long she’d forgotten what it was like to feel whole. But even though he’d said the words first, she couldn’t seem to get them from her heart to her tongue. “I appreciate the thought, but it’s unnecessary.”
They sat in silence for a bit, and she’d almost drifted off to sleep when he spoke again. “I appreciate you telling me all of this, princess. But what does that asshole have to do with the nightmare? Did I do something that reminded you of him?”
“No.” Pushing herself up, she knelt on the couch so she could look him in the eye. “Nothing you have done has reminded me of him even the tiniest bit. You could never be like him, even if you tried.”
“Then help me understand what happened this morning. Tell me about the nightmare.”
Dragging in a deep breath, she willed her heartbeat to steady. It wasn’t the first time she’d told this story, and it wouldn’t be the last, but for some reason with him it just felt different. More important, somehow. “You know most of the details already. He tricked me into showing him a house. Told me he and his wife were looking, but when I got there, it was just him. Supposedly, his wife was out of town, but he wanted to see the house anyway. It was their dream home, he told me.”
“And you believed him?”
“I don’t know. Part of me wondered, worried. But I had mace in my purse, and I figured if it came down to it, I could defend myself. I was wrong.” Swallowing the last of her juice, she studied the empty glass. “He hit me from behind. I never saw it coming. And then I was on the ground and he was everywhere, all at once, kicking and punching until I thought the pain would kill me. I almost wanted it to kill me, until his hands were around my neck, and I realized I reallywasgoing to die.”
“Is that what your nightmares are? Reliving the attack over and over?”
“Mostly, yeah. They usually end with me blacking out and then I wake up, well, like I was this morning.” Sweaty. Sick.
Terrified.
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. And you were so sweet this morning, but I’ve been struggling all week to trust you, even a little. What we’ve shared, it’s been amazing, but I had convinced myself it wouldn’t last past this week.”
“The hell it won’t.”
There was such conviction in his tone, she couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I’m beginning to believe that. But this morning was just… too much. I wanted so badly to lean on you, to let Daddy make it all better, but the idea of being that vulnerable again… I don’t know. I freaked out, I guess is the easiest way to explain it. I’m sorry I walked out on you. I needed space to clear my head.”
“You came back. That’s all that matters.”
“I came back because I realized if there’s anyone in this whole wide world I’m willing to try again with, it’s you.” She forced herself to lift her head, to look him in the eye. What she had to say was too important not to face it head on. “I’m all in, Monroe, so you better not break my heart.”
He didn’t make any promises. He didn’t offer any empty assurances that they would be together forever. He simply cupped the back of her neck and drew her in, taking her lips in a kiss so soft, so sweet, she trembled in his arms.
And that was all the promise she needed.
