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For not being there. For not taking care of his son. For having gotten himself caught by the fucking fae instead of running away with Roana like they’d planned. If only he’d been more careful, had paid more attention, if only he hadn’t become complacent after years of evading the fae’s detection...if only he’d been stronger, had been able to escape that hellhole prison sooner, he could have ended the whole fae changeling charade years earlier. He could have taken in Basil, been a real father to him…and the spell on both Hazel and her shitty husband would have been lifted, showing her that his mind hadn’t been warped by fae magic at all.
Freeing her from Robert’s abuse much, much sooner.
Could’ve been, would’ve been, should’ve been.
Hindsight wasn’t just twenty-twenty; it was a fucking kick to your nuts.
But instead of working through all that crap like a mature, has-his-shit-together male, he’d gone and projected his own fucking issues onto the woman he loved, who had single-handedly raised his son with warmth and love despite her shit husband’s attitude.
With a yell, he punched the wall in his bedroom, his fist shoving straight through the plaster and insulation to come out the other side in the bathroom.
And now Hazel hated his guts, rightfully so. There was no coming back from this. With everything he’d learned about her and her trauma, he knew she’d never forgive him for this.
But not just her…Basil would despise him. He’d find out, one way or another, and there’d be no understanding, no leniency, no grace given for a father-son relationship of only a few months. Not with the way he’d hurt Hazel. Not with the things he’d said.
For as much as Basil loved him, when push came to shove, he’d side with Hazel; of that Tallak was sure. She’d earned Basil’s unconditional love and loyalty over decades of motherly care.
There was no way his son would want anything to do with him after he found out how he’d cut down his beloved mom.
Tallak hadn’t just botched it; he’d nuked everything. Scorched earth and no signs of life. The family he’d yearned for, worked so hard for, now lost because he’d fucked it all up.
Eyes burning, he gritted his teeth, the pain inside him biting through him like acid. With his forehead against the wall, he punched it again, and again, and again, until his knuckles hurt like his chest, the plaster around the punch holes painted with his blood.
Swallowing hard, he turned, grabbed a bag from his closet, and started throwing in his shit. He couldn’t stay. This was a graveyard of burned bridges, and if he didn’t leave, he’d keep staring at the other side, dying just a little more with each passing day.
It was a testament to his state of distress that he didn’t notice his company until he spoke.
“Going somewhere?”
Tallak whipped up his head, stared at Rhun leaning against the doorjamb to his bedroom, watching him pack his bag with his eyes glowing in the dim light.
“Yeah,” Tallak said, his voice gruff. “Got tired of this place. Need a change of scenery. New city, new start.”
“You’re leaving Portland? Just like that?”
Tallak shrugged and kept on packing.
“What about Basil?” Rhun asked quietly. “Hazel?”
“I ran all out of fucks to give.”
Rhun had him slammed against the wall with his lower arm digging into Tallak’s throat the very next second.
“Bullshit,” the bluotezzer hissed.
Tallak bared his teeth. “Let me go, dipshit.”
“Tell me what’s going on.”
“Fuck you!” Tallak’s rage boiled over, finding a convenient, real-life target made of flesh that he could punch and claw at. With a growl, he bucked and threw Rhun off, then launched himself at him.
They crashed into the opposite wall, pummeling each other, the air filling with their snarls and the smell of blood. Every hit he landed on Rhun spent a bit more of his fury, and every strike the other demon got in—sending pain through Tallak’s system—fed a miserable, self-loathing part of him that needed punishment.
At some point, Tallak didn’t punch back. Didn’t block the blows. Just leaned against the wall as Rhun beat on him, just feeling the pain of each hit, feeling it burn through him, burn through all the guilt and shame and all the parts of himself he hated.
When Rhun stopped, his chest heaving with his breaths, his energy vibrating with power, Tallak blinked the blood from his eyes and gave him a dark look.
“You just fed on me again, you shitnoodle.”
