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The way he regarded her…so unapologetically interested in her, as if he truly cared about her as a person, a friend…a lover—if she let him. The affection in his gaze hurt her heart, not because it was wrong, or unappreciated, but because it touched upon long-neglected parts of her, and like a muscle that hadn’t been used in a while, the feelings he stirred in her ached from being activated after years—decades—of disuse. His attention made her feel special, treasured, as if she was someone worth looking at, listening to…caring about.
Quickly shaking off those feelings before they pulled her under, she cleared her throat and said, “The hardest I’ve ever laughed…” She broke off, grimaced and shifted her weight. “No, I can’t tell you. It’s too embarrassing.”
Basil perked up. “Well, now you’ve got to tell me. No teasing. Spit it out.”
She took a breath, looked down at her hands. “There was this cat…”
A giggle bubbled up from some half-forgotten corner of her heart, and interrupted her. She tried to stifle the laughter with a hand over her mouth, and forced herself to continue, but barely managed two more words before the full memory washed over her and laid waste to her composure.
She laughed so hard she was gasping for breath, with tears running down her face and her body tingling, nerve endings alive with delight, her chest light even as she struggled to draw in air in between her giggles.
“I’d urge you to calm down and tell the whole story,” Basil said with a chuckle, “but to be honest, just watching you laugh this hard is way more fun.”
“All right,” she choked out, catching her breath while waving her hands in wait-a-minute signal, “all right. When I was out in the humanlands on a case, I once saw this cat sitting on a porch. I went to pet it.”
She wiped tears from her cheeks. “It was very majestic-looking and dignified, but then…” She stifled another bout of giggles. “…it had to sneeze”—giggles erupted from her again—“and…” Flopping down on her sleeping mat, she succumbed to belly-aching laughter.
Basil started chuckling along with her. “And?”
“—it farted, at the same time.” She had to laugh so hard, her entire body shook, every muscle sore and tingling.
Basil choked out a laugh of his own. “It snarted?”
“Snart?” She wiped at her eyes.
He grinned. “Sneeze-fart. It’s a thing.”
More giggles burst forth, and she nodded, caught her breath. “Yes,” she said, with the very best straight face she could muster. “The majestic cat snarted.”
“I can’t believe it.” He shook his head, still smiling. “Serious Isa is amused by fart humor.”
“I know,” she wheezed. “It’s so silly.”
“I like silly,” Basil said with a wink. “In fact, nothing’s too silly for me. My favorite movie is Spaceballs.”
Still snickering and wiping her face, she said, “I don’t know that one either.”
“I’ll show you. When we’re done with all this. I’ll take you home with me, and we’ll watch Spaceballs. Of course, we’ll have to watch Star Wars first, otherwise you won’t get all the goofy references.”
Her carefree amusement died as the reality of her situation doused her happiness like a bucket of ice water. She wouldn’t ever get to watch those movies with him. Or do anything fun at all with Basil. And she didn’t have the right to. She didn’t have the right to enjoy his affection, didn’t deserve to be the center of his attention. Oh, why couldn’t she have met him under different circumstances? Why couldn’t he have been someone else, someone she was free to like back, to care for?
Someone she didn’t have to kill…
Pain more awful than what wracked her during the seizures raked through her, made her gasp.
How could she kill him now? Now she’d gotten to know him, now she’d glimpsed the warmth of his soul, the sunshine of his personality.
I don’t want to take his life. A visceral thought, risen from the depths of her heart of stone, which yet had softened for this impossible male who so audaciously cared for her, who tumbled headlong into the challenges of life.
Survive, a voice whispered in her mind. You need to survive at all costs.
At all costs… But what good would it be to survive when what she had to do to stay alive would kill her inside?
“Hey.” Basil’s voice, breaking through her sinister thoughts. All laughter gone from his face, he studied her with concern in those eyes of myriad earth tones. “What just happened? You look like someone died.”
Her breath hitched. “I need to go…take care of nature’s call. Don’t wait up. You can go ahead and settle down to sleep.”
She jumped up and sprinted off before he could reply.
