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He seemed surprised by my declaration. “Really? What made you try out?”
For the next several seconds, my eyes searched his handsome face. I felt like I could have stayed there for hours just looking at him. The truth was that I probably would have done just that had it not been for the fact that he called my name. “Sawyer?”
I shook my head and apologized, “I’m sorry. I, well, I auditioned because of this.”
That’s when I held my journal up between the two of us.
“What’s that?” he asked.
Lowering it back to my lap, my eyes followed it. Nobody knew about it. Not my mom. Not Faye. Not Janelle or Cristina.
I was the only one, and for some reason, I felt compelled to share it with Jesse.
“It’s my journal that has my list,” I shared when I returned my focus to him.
“What’s on your list?”
I swallowed hard. It was one thing to make mention of the journal and the list. It was something else entirely to tell him what was on the list. Telling him that would likely lead to other questions.
But it had been a year. In fact, it had been a year to the day today since my father had died. I started to think that perhaps it wasn’t a coincidence that Jesse was here with me while I’d been jotting things down.
“It’s all of the things I want to do in my life,” I finally confessed.
“Like a bucket list?” he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess you could call it that.”
“Why do you hesitate to call it that?” he questioned me.
I was honest when I replied, “Because it feels like so much more than that to me.”
There was a brief stretch of silence between us before Jesse said, “It sounds like there’s a story behind this.”
“Yeah,” I confirmed quietly.
“I’d love to hear it if you want to share.”
I didn’t need to think too hard about it. Convinced that Jesse wasn’t here for no reason at all, I had already made my choice. I wanted to tell him. He might not ever know just how special that made this moment, but I guess it didn’t really matter if he knew anyway.
The bottom line was that I was finally going to share it, and that was all that mattered.
“I’m trying to be the girl my dad believed I was,” I revealed.
I watched as his expression changed and his features softened. He didn’t share whatever he was thinking. It was as though he knew I hadn’t even scratched the surface of what I had to say. So, he waited patiently and simply gave me a moment to prepare myself to deliver the next part to him.
“It was a year ago today when my father died,” I started. “He had been deployed to Afghanistan, and a few months after he left, my mom and I learned that he’d been killed.”
“I’m so sorry, Sawyer,” he lamented. “I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful.”
I shook my head. “No. No, it’s okay. I just… this is actually the first time I’ve ever really talked to anyone about this. Anyway, we had a very long talk just before he left, and it took me some time after he died, but I eventually decided to take his words to heart.”
Jesse didn’t hesitate to respond. “I’m sure he’s very proud of you.”
Smiling, I nodded. “He always was. Even if I don’t accomplish whatever it is that I set out to do, even if I don’t get the lead role in this play, it’s the mere fact that I tried it that he’d be most proud of.”
“Do you think you’ll get the part?” Jesse asked.
I huffed. “Let’s just say that I’m not an actress. I won’t be disappointed if they don’t choose me.”
