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But as much as he gets under my skin, I seem to be able to do the same with him without even trying. I spent a fair amount of time last night trying to figure out why he wouldn’t let me take his shirt off. It seemed like an obvious, not to mention expected, ritual insofar as sex usually goes.
Maybe it’s for the best, though. It certainly derailed the bad decision we were about to make together.
In the mirror, I stare at the scar at the right-hand side of my neck. It’s sickle-shaped, the exact arc and thickness of Adrian’s thumbnail. If I close my eyes, I can feel the skin breaking all over again. My scream was the only thing that made him let go.
“I’m sorry, Junepenny,”he’d said, tears streaming down his face.“I—I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“You thought someone was trying to hurt you,”I’d told him.“It was like you were seeing someone else.”
“I was.”
“Who?”
He only shook his head and hugged me tighter. I’d held him throughout the entire night. I’d held him until he was completely sober and shaking with withdrawal symptoms. He turned his face up to me in the morning.
“I don’t deserve you,”he whispered.
That was the first time I had the thought. The Thought, as I came to call it. Capitalized, copyrighted, trademarked. A thought that I had always felt deep down, but never had the courage or wherewithal to decipher.
Is it better to be wanted—or to be needed?
In the end, I keep my hair up and head out of the bedroom to find that the woman’s voice I’d clocked earlier belongs to Milana. She’s sitting at the breakfast table by the balcony, right next to Kolya. The table is groaning under the weight of the biggest breakfast spread I’ve ever seen. Two dozen kinds of breakfast pastries radiating the scent of so much butter and sugar it should be illegal. Tossed in the mix is coffee, tea, fruit juice, other things I don’t even recognize.
“Good morning, June,” Milana says brightly.
She looks effortlessly flawless in a dusty gold blouse with a deep neckline and black silk pants. On anyone else, her towering heels would look strange in the light of day, but somehow, they manage to look just right on her.
Her blonde hair is tied up high, much like mine is. All that makes me want to do is undo my bun to avoid being compared to her.
“G’morning,” I mumble, daring a glance in Kolya’s direction.
He’s scrolling through his phone with one hand and nursing a cup of black coffee with the other. He doesn’t wish me a good morning or look back at me. In fact, he barely acknowledges my presence.
“Why don’t you sit down and join us for breakfast?” Milana suggests, gesturing to the empty chair beside her.
I’m not about to cower in my room just because Kolya decided to be strange last night, so I take the seat and grab a croissant while I’m at it. The smell of freshly baked pastry is too delectable to resist. I don’t even butter the croissant and after my first bite, I realize I don’t need to. It’s like biting into a stick of the stuff already.
“Wow, that’s delicious,” I say with a contented sigh.
“Right?” Milana nods, adjusting the tiny diamond pendant hanging from her neck.
She has a plate of her own in front of her, but it’s empty. Honestly, I’m not surprised. She looks like the kind of woman who could subsist on fresh air and chewing gum.
“Tea? Coffee? Juice?” Milana asks with a smile. “There’s fresh mango and fresh pineapple if you’d like me to cut you a slice. But if you prefer something different, we can ring down to room service. Anything you like—say the word and it’s yours.”
She’s so gushingly nice that I cringe, feeling guilty about the snarky thoughts I was thinking just a moment ago. “Mango is fine, thank you.”
Still smiling, she serves me a slice while I munch on my croissant and try not to look at Kolya. When he puts his phone down, however, I break my own rule and glance up.
His eyes skid over me—briefly, brusquely—before landing on Milana. “Do you have eyes on the venue?”
“They were dispatched this morning,” she replies, reaching for her coffee cup. “Things are still being set up. Ravil wasn’t on-site.”
“No, he wouldn’t be. He likes to show up once all the work is done.”
“Seems to be a family trait.”
I expect Kolya to glower at her, roll his eyes, snap back with something dry and biting. But instead he… smiles.
