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“June…” My voice breaks on the rocks, hoarse and useless. I’m being strangled by years of training. Years of repression working like a muzzle, rendering me silent.
What would I even say if I could?Feelings for her?If they exist, I’m barely even aware of it. I keep them frozen and locked away. Saying them out loud—toher, no less—is un-fucking-fathomable.
No. I can’t. I am my father’s son. I am my brother’s keeper. I am Kolya Uvarov, don of the Uvarov Bratva…
And I am too far gone to be redeemed by her love.
“The wedding has to go on as planned,” I hear myself say, cold and determined. “Feelings have nothing to do with it.”
Her face crumbles. Before I can figure out how to salvage whatever we might’ve had, she’s on her feet and moving towards the door.
I should stop her. Iwantto stop her.
But I can’t.
It’s a bridge too far for a heartless fuck like me.
46
JUNE
“… June?”
I look up and squint against the fluorescent lights overhead as Sara removes the blood pressure collar from my arm. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”
She smiles pleasantly. “I was just asking if you were okay. You seem a little distracted today.”
“Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Any particular reason?”
I think about Angela. About the man whose baby I’m carrying. About two swords crossing in an emblem made of gold and stained with blood. It feels like there’s so much information swirling around in my head that I can hardly keep track of everything I’m feeling.
“So many reasons I can’t count them,” I admit in a tired mumble.
Sara’s eyebrows furrow down. “Stress isn’t good for the baby, June,” she advises. “Your vitals are good for now, but if there’s something that’s weighing on you—
“I don’t belong here, Sara.”
She stops short. The concern in her eyes deepens. “I was under the impression that you were happy here,” she says diplomatically. “You seemed to be. For the last few weeks, at least.”
I place my hand over my stomach, disappointed in myself. “I suppose I was. But only because I was in denial about a lot of things.”
“Okay,” Sara says, “now, I’m officially concerned. Talk to me. What’s going on?”
I shove myself off the examination table and start pacing slowly. I have a decision to make and my window to make it is getting smaller and smaller.
Last night was revelatory about more than just my past with Adrian.
It was revelatory about my future, too.
“What’s going on with me is that I don’t want to be a pawn in men’s games anymore,” I say. I repeat what my sister had told me from the beginning.
I’d alienated her in the last few days. Despite the fact that she is here because of me. Despite the fact that she is only trying to help me.
More than that, actually—I hadn’t just alienated her; I straight-up lied to her. She doesn’t even know that Adrian and Kolya were brothers yet.
“Kolya is trying to protect you, June,” Sara suggests. She puts her hand on my arm, forcing me to stop my pacing. Her eyes are intense and alert and intelligent. Friendly, too, but can I trust her friendliness? Or is that just another classic naïve June mistake?
