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“He realized he was in love with us and ran away like a coward.”
We all know there was more to it than that, but I’m still bitter, I guess. Resentful and heartbroken, and still so in love with him, it hurts. Besides all that, I miss my best friend. Doc Miller told me to be careful, and I let it all blow up anyway.
I clear my throat from a lifetime’s worth of heartache and try to fill in the blanks.
“He’ scared. And yes, I know he has every right to be. But before everything else, we were his best friends. If he was scared of something, then he should have trusted us to help him through it. Instead…”
Instead, he ruined the best thing any of us have ever had.
“We’re at Madam Maxine’s,” Bethany says, cutting a straight line through the self-pity floating around in my brain. “Remi is here. I think he’s trying to hurt himself. He’s drunk. Not a lot, but I know him well enough to tell the difference. And he offered to sub for Samuel.”
Shit! Shit, shit, SHIT!
They’re careful about who they let into the club, but that particular Dom will keep going until you say stop. When I topped Remi, I don’’t think he even remembered he had a safe word.
I’m going to throw up.
Bethany keeps going.
“I talked to Ms. Lisa and she said she didn’t recognize Remi as a regular, and it’s not very often we get a new face in the crowd as a single participant. But I talked to the front office, and they said that Remi paid for a year’s membership almost three weeks ago.”
That was before he called me.
“Remi’s not a pain slut,” I stammer, trying to wrap my head around Remington offering to bottom for a stranger. The whole thought would be laughable if it didn’t make me want to cry.
Bethany cringes like the very idea makes her sick.
Bile rises in the back of my throat, and I try to determine how quickly I can make it to the bathroom.
“Oh, trust me. I know. We went to all the same private schools. I still remember the way he screamed when he broke his arm playing football sophomore year. The man probably cries at a paper cut.”
Despite everything, the image pulls a small smile to my face. He’s a little bit tougher than all that. He can take even more—stimulation—when he’s in the throes of sex. But the idea of Remi tied and bound, at the mercy of a man who doesn’t know him, sends a crack into my soul so deep I’m almost gasping at the pain.
“Remi isn’t into the lifestyle,” I say to assure myself as if saying it would make it true. He wasn’t, at least. Not with us. “The farthest we got was a little power play. Julia likes to be bound, now and then. She likes it when I use my Dom voice, as she calls it. Julia convinced Remi that the occasional cuff on his wrist would help with some of his, well, anxiety, for lack of a better word. But Rem is no sub.”
Remi was mine. Mine and mine only.
Which means he is trying to hurt himself without having to be the one to do it.
Motherfucker.
I bring the back of my hand to my face, wiping away a tear.
“That’s why we called you. I won’t pretend to understand what you had and how it went so wrong. But he’s hurting, Justin, and it’s taking him in a scary direction. If he isn’t careful, he’s going to end up somewhere there’s no coming back from.”
Not if I have anything to say about it, and we all know I have a loud fucking mouth.
“I’m on my way. Try to get him out of there.”
Bethany says something incomprehensible to someone on her end, probably Raine, before giving her attention back to me.
“We’ll try, but you know there isn’t much we can do. He signed the consents. He passed the background checks. He’s an adult, and a willing participant. Once they start, barring gross negligence, we can’t stop it.”
“I know,” I whine, shrugging into a shirt then holding the phone with my shoulder while I jump one-legged into my jeans. “Iknow!” I hiss in frustration.
“Hurry,” Bethany says, and without having anything else to add, I end the call.
I climb back onto the bed and cup Julia’s cheek in my hand.
