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“How’s Abby?”Ledger asks as I shove a big bite of burger into my mouth. West brought the ones from Ernie’s that I like so much. Now the three of us are eating lunch together in my office. We have to go out later and work on one of the tractors. It’s the worst time of year for our machinery to break down, which means it always does.
“Fussy.” Cash said it’s normal for her to go through periods where she seems fussier. He called it growing pains. But I hate it, makes me feel like I’m failing at this parenting thing. What would Abby’s mom say if she could see her now? Would she be happy with the job I’m doing, or would she regret giving her to me and take her back?
My heart seizes at the thought. I can’t let her go. She’s the reason my heart beats now. Well, her and a certain brunette. Which is why I spend as little time with Chloe as possible. I don’t want her figuring it out and feeling uncomfortable around me.
“Babies are like that, according to Mom,” West says. Ever since he got together with my sister, he talks a lot about families and babies and marriage.
I grunt in response. They’re on the other side of the desk, getting crumbs and special sauce on my paperwork. With Chloe here, I should be catching up on some of it. But I’m not. Seems I spend a little too much time thinking about those kissable lips to get much done.
Mom has been pestering me to hire someone to help me in the office. She said something or another about how I work too much or too hard. I’m not entirely sure. I’d started thinking about Chloe again and there went any hope I had of concentrating.
“Where is she anyway?” Ledger asks. He’s chewing his food too much. An eating disorder fucked with his mind as a teenager. He thinks I don’t know. But I found the bills for that fancy outpatient treatment center Dad helped him get into. All this time, everyone thought he went to basketball camp for a few hours each day.
“With Chloe. They went into town.” Chloe said something about needing yarn for her latest project. Apparently, she knits Christmas gifts. I want to ask her who the scarves are for. I want to know why she’s knitting so many pairs of mittens. Of course, I don’t ask. I barely say anything.
It’s been a week and she’s settling in. Her clothes are all over my living room couch. Her shoes, keys, and wallet are scattered on my kitchen island. Her reading tablet and planner are on the coffee table. I shouldn’t love all those little things so much, but I do.
I’m already dreading next week when I’ll be away from her and Abby. I have to go out of town for ranch business. One of our suppliers wants a face-to-face meeting.
The only good thing about all the traveling I do is the opportunity to meet homeless teens. I always buy them a hot meal and give them a card for the ranch, invite them down to Courage County if they ever get out that way.
I remember when being on the streets was better than being in the home the system had placed me in. I’m a long way from that kid but I’ve never forgotten. It’s why I can’t let Abby go into the system. I’ll die before I let her grow up the way I did.
“Chloe is cute,” Ledger says. “I was thinking of asking her out.”
“They’d never find your body.” My voice is quiet and steely, filled with conviction. Ledger is a good guy. He’d treat her right. But nobody gets to spend time with my woman. Not even my brother.
West reaches into his wallet and passes Ledger a crisp twenty. “You were right.”
“See? Crazy for her.” He pockets the bill and faces me. “What are you doing about it, moron?”
I ball up the rest of my sandwich in my wrapper, my appetite suddenly gone. My teeth ache with how badly I want Chloe. But that doesn’t make what I feel right. It’s never been right and I’m man enough to admit that. “Chloe is young, and she’s my employee.”
“When you love someone, you should go after her,” Ledger says as if he’s some damn expert on the topic of love and relationships.
“Yeah, and when was the last time you told Peyton that you love her?” I challenge. It’s a low blow and we all know it. Maybe I should be fuckin’ sensitive or something. He’s been in love with her since they were teenagers and for whatever reason, they both keep dancing around the truth. Neither will admit just how much they want to cross that line and be a real couple. Hell, maybe it’s some twisted game that I don’t understand.
He flinches. “I’m planning on it.”
Yeah, he’s been planning on it for years. West and I both know he’s not going to do it. The moment he admits his feelings to her, she’s going to pack up everything she owns and run away. Problem is, I’m not sure Ledger will recover from that heartache. They’re soulmates.
“Ledger is right.” West’s voice carries a hard edge. He’s protective over Ledger. We both are. We know he had it tough growing up. Then dealing with his mental health. Can’t be easy to live with all that shit.
I glance his way, feeling guilty for what I said. “It was a dick thing to say.”
He shrugs, and I know it’s forgiven. That’s Ledger though. The man has never held a grudge against anyone. If there were anyone worthy of sainthood, it’d probably be him.
“Do you know how long I wasted not being with Cassie?” West asks. “A decade. A decade when we could have been building a life together. But I was an idiot who kept his feelings to himself.”
I glare at him. I might be OK that my sister’s getting married. But I’m still not crazy about the idea, given that I walked in on them a few days ago. Add that one to the list of things that have scarred me for life.
“I’m too old for her,” I mumble. There’s no way she looks at me and feels anything. This whole thing is something I’ve created in my head to deal with the truth that’s getting harder to push down. I’m lonely. I want someone to share a life with. I want a woman to grow old with me as we raise Abby together. Maybe add a few more little ones to the brood.
“Ask her to the Christmas dance tonight. See if she accepts,” Ledger says.
West is quick to add, “You won’t know if you don’t at least try.”
