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I wish I had continued to watch the sunset instead of being distracted by motion coming from the other side of the terrace, but when I hear my brother say Dan’s name, I turn my head to see him walking in with Mia. She’s wearing the same blue maxi dress I had seen draped over a lounge chair outside, whichmakes me clench my teeth. That dress being the same one from earlier tells me she hasn’t left since swimming, and her dark, still-damp hair is braided back from her face. I bet they showered together, and that’s why she’s still here, and why her hair is still wet.
Swallowing hard, I turn my attention to Dan. Ironically, his lightweight button-down is the same coral as my skirt, almost like we matched on purpose, with fitted white Bermudas and boat shoes. To my vast annoyance, he takes his seat next to me, and Mia sits beside him, tittering and hanging all over him like she must be touching him at all moments, or he’ll disappear. I jerk my face away from him as he lowers himself next to me, even though I can feel his gaze moving over my face, neck, and body.
Go ahead and look at what you’ve given up, asshole, I think to myself bitterly.
Then, to my shock, I feel one finger trailing up my knee, dragging the skirt with it. I jerk away reflexively, glaring at him and hissing under my breath, “How dare you sit next to me, let alone touch me!?”
He gives me a Cheshire grin. “Why wouldn’t I?”
I have a million things to say to him, and the words all burn on my tongue and fill up my mouth until I can barely breathe, but I don’t let them spill out. I can’t give him the satisfaction. Plus, my brother is right in front of me, and it would raise suspicion if we start a fight right now, so I just lean discreetly toward Dan’s ear and simply whisper, “Get lost, Dan.”
He doesn’t reply but proceeds to leave me in peace, turning his attention to the other guests at the table.
There’s a salad course and then a lightly dressed olive oil pasta with sun-gold tomatoes. Conversation is simple and easy, made even more so by the delicious, freely flowing Italian wine. Andries is the happiest I’ve ever seen him, and whileI would normally reserve the compliment for another woman, he’s basically glowing from inside with joy. I tamp down any thoughts of manipulating him for Dad, wanting to at least soak up this first day without any sneaky undercurrents.
Everything falls to the wayside in my mind, though, because Dan just can’t keep his hands to himself. He’s single-handedly put me on a rollercoaster of every emotion possible today and I want nothing more than to shove him as hard as I can and give him a piece of my mind, but surrounded by all these people whose opinions I value, I can’t give into my most base desires.
It starts with another one-finger caress on my knee, under the fabric of my skirt, making my skin rise in goosebumps. I dutifully ignore this, but it doesn’t take long for the touches to get more personal and intimate. There is no indication from either of us about what is happening under the table as we hold full conversations with the others and barely acknowledge each other, but when Dan starts to work his way up my inner thigh, I can feel my face heating, unbidden. I almost slap him away, figuring that he’s touching Mia with his other hand, but a quick visual check shows me that he’s holding his wine with his other hand, which means I’m the only one getting his attention right now. That knowledge is heady… I like it more than I should. The combination of his longed-for touch and the alcohol has me turning redder than any normal blush, but thankfully there are paper fans on the right of each place setting. I discreetly try to fan my blush away even as Dan gets bolder and bolder with his hand while displaying nothing on his face while talking to my brother as if he isn’t feeling me up at the same time.
As plates are being cleared, Dan grazes the edge of my panties with his thumb, and I break out in a full body shiver. Finally, he glances at me, and the need in his eyes is so strong it’s almost physically palpable. I open my mouth to say something to him, anything, but I’m interrupted when my brother standsand clinks his knife against his wine glass. The sound silences the table, and Andries, eyes bright with the alcohol, starts his heartfelt toast to none other than the man next to me with his hand between my legs.
But of course, as soon as Andries opens his mouth, Dan puts both hands on the tabletop, cutting off our contact and leaving me feeling bereft. I miss his touch already, the ghost of it still lighting up my nerves with wishes of what could have been. Looking completely innocent, Dan grins at my brother, his best friend, and listens to the praise being heaped on him.
“I just want to say thank you to Dan O’Brian, who has been beside Roxanne and me from the beginning and through all the hard times without hesitation. He planned this incredible trip for us and didn’t even blink when I wanted to bring my beautiful fiancée and her family along as well––for which I will never be able to thank him enough. From the bottom of my heart, Dan, thank you.”
If I’m not mistaken, Dan’s eyes look misty. It makes me feel even worse, knowing that Andries and Dan are so close, because the disappointment I felt when Dan stopped touching me makes one thing crystal clear: I can’t stop lusting after him, even when I want to. Roxanne was right, I should leave him alone, but I can’t help myself. It’s like I’m out of control.
I’m a terrible sister. For more things than just this, but still…
Everyone else raises their glasses to Dan as well, who bows his head graciously. Andries is soon caught back up in conversation with some of his college friends, and I can’t help but take the opportunity to needle at my former lover in the lull.
“So, I’m just wondering, since the two of you arrived together…” I start, causing Dan to finally give me his full attention. “Where did that girl get ready for dinner? And why is she here?” I say it quietly enough that Mia can’t hear me, butDan can. He chuckles knowingly, setting his wine glass down, his eyes holding a glint of amusement.
“Her name is Mia.”
“I don’t give a damn what her name is. Answer my question,” I fume.
He tilts his head to the side, searching my face with his penetrating gaze, and crosses his arms while a smug smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Elise Van den Bosch… are you jealous?”
I sniff haughtily. “No.”
“Then yeah, maybe we showered together.” Observing my face attentively, he leans in, that infuriating smile fully on his lips now. “Why do you ask?”
“You know why.” I try to keep the quiver out of my voice, but don’t quite succeed. Maybe it’s the wine.
“No, I don’t, actually.” He leans back into his seat nonchalantly. “Last time I checked, we weren’t mutually exclusive.”
I can’t read him, which makes me angry. There is no hint in his posture or expression telling me if he’s just messing with me, or if he actually shared the shower with Mia. Dan patiently waits for my reply, but he offers me no kindness or reassurance that he hasn’t moved on already. Hurt is swelling in me—real, fierce heartbreak, and I hate that I’m giving him the satisfaction of being able to witness it.
“Fuck you, Dan,” I whisper, standing so quickly that my chair scrapes across the floor. I don’t know if he reaches for me or tries to quietly call me back, because I rush away, giving Andries a quick excuse about the sun and the drinks having made me exhausted enough to go to bed early, and then I’m gone from that damned dinner, the man I’m falling for, and his new girl.
Once I’m sure no one can see me, I let the hot tears roll down my face, slamming my bedroom door behind me and slidingdown the inside of it until I’m sitting on the floor. I give in and have myself a heavy, cathartic cry, even though it hurts my bruised nose. I just need to bleed some of the anguish off so I can function. I’m so over all of this already. Capri has been nothing but an enormous mistake, and I wish I was with my father and the rest of the family in Lake Como. No Dan, no Mia, no visions of them beneath his steamy shower head––all bare limbs and tan skin. Fuck them both.
I hate him. I’m falling in love with him, and I hate him.
I can’t stomach a shower of my own, the images in my mind too sickening to handle tonight, so after a quick, sad bath, I crawl into bed naked and with my hair unbrushed. As an afterthought, I pad to the locked balcony door and unlock it. Just in case.
There is no light coming from Dan’s suite, and the night beyond is dark.
