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“Um… it’s pretty early…” I start lamely. “Are you alright?”
Like me, I’m sure she’s still in disbelief that we had even slept together, let alone spent the entire night in bed with one another. Losing her virginity must have been a big deal for her, and it’s hard to imagine how she’s feeling right now. Still, the stiffness of her frame has me on edge.
“I’m fine,” she responds, her voice as neutral as possible.
“Oh. Good.” I watch her check her face once she’s done with her hair, wetting a finger under the faucet, and using it to wipe away an errant smear of mascara from the night before. I don’t want to pressure her, but the idea of Elise shutting me out now is almost too much to bear. It might not be the best idea, but I decide to see if I can get anything else out of her. Maybe she just needs to process what we shared. “I think we might want to talk about what happened yesterday…”
She makes eye contact with me through the mirror and shrugs one shoulder. “Nothing happened yesterday.”
Her words strike me like an arrow in the chest, and a million thoughts race through my mind. Does she regret last night? Is she having second thoughts? I have finally given in to the desire I had for her, physically and emotionally, and all I want right now is to kiss her and assure myself that I haven’t lost her for good. I’ve never let my heart get involved with anything like that, never let my emotions get the best of me when it comes to a girl, and this is exactly why. Losing Elise means losing so much more than just losing a silly hookup.
I’ve been falling for her for weeks now. Hell, years. After last night, I’m fully in love with Elise. So why is she now pulling away from me? Surely she couldn’t have just used me for sex…
I swallow the hurt I’m feeling, and nod. “Okay, I see… do you need anything like a toothbrush?”
Elise straightens, shaking her head and she brushes her hands down her clothes in an attempt to knock out any wrinkles.She doesn’t look at me, but she also seems unbothered by everything. It isn’t like she’s mad, just… like she doesn't care at all. I think I’d almost prefer the anger.
“No, I’m okay. Actually, I’m about to head home if you want to walk me to the door?”
This just twists me up inside even more. Not only did she not want to wake up with me, but she also just wants to bolt as soon as she possibly can. “What, why? You don’t have to go. Why don’t you stay a while?”
She doesn’t respond, just continues gathering the few things she came with, face devoid of any emotion.
“You don’t want to even stay for breakfast?”
Elise finally glances up at me with a sad smile. “No, I have… things to do. See you later, Dan.”
It’s all I can do not to grab her arm and force her to talk to me, but I know that will just drive her farther and farther away. “What’s wrong? Please talk to me, El.”
“It’s nothing. I’m just heading home. It’s almost ten a.m. and I’ve got to pack my things for the trip.”
I follow her out of the bathroom where she is putting her shoes on. “Are you sure? If there’s anything you didn’t like–”
Sliding her second heel on, she stands up straight, finally coming close enough to give me a chaste peck on the lips, but when I go in for the second kiss, she turns her head with a small laugh.
“Everything was great. I’ve got to go now, though. See you later.”
Elise exits my room in a flash of bright, impossible to ignore red, just like she had entered last night. I can’t pinpoint exactly why the exchange we just had makes me feel so horrible, but I think it all boils down to our failure to communicate. Well, her failure to communicate. I really did try to get her to open up.
With nothing left to do, I start to prepare for my own day. We’re leaving for Capri this afternoon, which seems unreal, considering the night I just had with Elise. There is a feeling of guilt about how things will be when I see Andries, but I can’t dwell on it. We’re going to spend quite a bit of time together, and if all I can think about is my broken vow to him, I’m going to be miserable.
A flash of our evening travels down my mind, and I can’t help but sigh at the sweet memory. As I come to think of it, there are two things I’m sure of: one that I’m completely and madly in love with the sister of my best friend, and two, that I totally screwed up. In a few hours, I’ll be flying to Italy to spend ten days in a villa with not only the woman I love but with her brother casting a watchful eye on us. Yeah, inviting Elise was a big mistake. I should’ve stuck with my gut feeling.
I try to set the thoughts of her aside so I can finish my last bits of preparation before we leave for Capri, but I can’t. She’s stuck in my head like glue. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure she at least enjoyed the physical aspect of what we did. I took my time to make it as pleasurable as I could for her, and even if she didn’t say so out loud, her body told me all I needed to know about how much she was enjoying what I was doing to her. Which means it wasn’t anything physical that drove her off. It had to be something mental.
I wash my face and brush my teeth, trying to figure out a way to see the night before through Elise’s eyes. Maybe she sensed how deep my feelings really are toward her, and she didn’t like that. It could have even frightened her, learning how much I really cared. Elise has never given me any indication that she was looking for love or a relationship, always keeping her true intentions so guarded. I guess it’s possible that she really just wanted to have sex with me, but didn’t expect all the emotionalties that would come along with it. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m in love with her, but maybe she was blindsided.
I almost want to laugh at how stupid I’ve been. Of course, an ice queen like Elise wouldn’t be able to fall in love or have romantic feelings toward me. Something like that would make her too vulnerable, and vulnerability is one of the things that she hates most of all.
When I exit the bathroom, I can hear the murmur of voices from downstairs. One is Elise, but the other two are speaking more quietly, and I can’t quite make out who it is. Curious, I tug my clothes on and head down to the foyer, where I find Elise talking to my parents. I groan internally, knowing that they must recognize that Elise is wearing party clothes from the night before and is leaving early in the morning. It looks like a walk of shame.
Mom and Dad look up at me as I descend the stairs, both of them looking particularly smug. After Dad and I had talked about Elise before, they both undoubtedly see what’s going on, and probably can’t wait to tell me that they knew all along that she and I had a thing for each other.
“Hello, darling,” Mom says cheerily. “We were just talking to Elise here and seeing if she’s excited about the trip.”
Elise meets my eyes and looks extremely uncomfortable. Oh, well… I guess that’s her karma for leaving me without any sort of explanation.
“We wanted to surprise you with breakfast before you left,” Dad explains. “But at this point, it will be more like brunch.”
