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“It doesn’t feel that way. It feels like something that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I’ve felt the highest highs and the lowest lows in my entire life over the past few days. How is a man supposed to come back from something like that? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust a woman again.”
“You’re so dramatic,” Dan groans. I look at him sharply and he holds up his hands. “Fine! Sorry! It’s just… I think Elise forced you into a corner that you didn’t want to be in and now you’re stuck.”
“Elise is in no way responsible for Roxanne’s fuck ups.” My voice is incredulous.
“I never said she was. But there’s no way of knowing that Roxanne wouldn’t have come clean with you sooner rather than later. Her career isn’t exactly one that is safe for a woman. I can almost see where she was coming from making up an alibi at first. She had no idea what kind of person you’d be, and by the time she started falling for you, it was probably too late.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’d have never been with someone in her line of work. It’s better that I know now instead of finding out when I was even more attached to her down the line.” I examinemy friend closely. “It sounds like you don’t think her job is a problem, though.”
“Come on,” Dan says with a shrug. “It’s Amsterdam. It’s just part of life here. I mean, it’s fine if it’s a hard line for you, but none of that shit surprises me anymore.”
“She’s exploiting other girls after years of selling her body. I’ll never be convinced that’s okay. Sex isn’t something to just be… be given out like it’s nothing! It’s between you and someone you love.”
Dan chuckles. “Whatever you say, Andries. I’m here for you no matter what, anyway. Any breakup sucks, but you really fell hard, didn’t you?”
Trying to drown out any potential sounds of my ex talking to my sister, I blow out a breath. “That’s the understatement of the century.”
“No way to help it, then. Want to get wasted?”
I give him a hollow smile. “I thought you’d never ask.”
2
Amsterdam, December 29, 2021
Roxanne
I madeand discarded a lot of plans in the last few hours; from getting stupendously drunk, booking a flight out of the blue so I couldn’t be found, finding my sister and crying in her arms, and even tearing my office apart and leaving the mess to fester like an open wound. I’m pissed beyond belief, humiliated, but most of all, heartbroken.
What did you think would happen dating someone so young!? This is your own fault. You should have known better. You should have been smarter than this.
I hate so many people at this moment. Elise, Andries, but mostly myself. I had built my business from the ground up, literally on my own shoulders, and it’s something I take pride in. To be torn down by someone I love, in my own office, is unfathomable. Andries had sneered at me like I was no better than the dirt under his shoe, and for a second, I had believed him. Yeah, that was exactly how I had felt.
It isn’t fair, and I’ve been too taken aback to do anything but respond in anger. Now that it’s drained away, I want to have a real conversation. Adult to adult, so he can at least know that nothing I did was meant to hurt him. I wasn’t trying to be shady or underhanded. I just had run out of time to tell him the truth and have it not implode our relationship, and I wasn’t ready to give it up yet.
After all this time, I guess I’m still a selfish girl.
Now I’m standing in front of Andries’ building, hoping that he’ll be willing to see me. Andries is a lot of things; prideful, unshakeable in his convictions, and he comes from old money, but he’s also in love with me, as I am with him, and it’s going to take more than a fight in my office to do away with everything that had been between us. He has to give me a chance to explain. Explain, and, more than likely, say goodbye. I desperately need closure.
And yes, a part of me is still hoping we can work through this. He has some serious apologizing to do, as do I, but is our love strong enough to pull us through?
It’s time to give up this fairytale bullshit and face the facts, Roxie. He doesn’t want a used-up old hooker. It’s time to move along. It was a nice interlude, but it’s over.
My heart wants something different, but the logical part of my mind speaks the truth.
I stare up at the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but any fantasies I had about Andries watching for me seem to have been misguided. I need to get this over with before I lose my nerve.
I hesitate at the door. I have the code, but as his now-ex, it seems a bit inappropriate to just go up unannounced. Yet… There’s a good chance he won’t let me in if I just keep pressing the buzzer. Decided, I square my shoulders and type in the passcode. To my shock, the light flashes red, and I’m notadmitted. I try the code again, but it isn’t a mistype. The light goes red for a second time.
“Oh, this asshole,” I mutter to myself.
I hit the buzzer once more, given no choice, and wait. Predictably, he doesn't let me in. I hit it twice more, my annoyance growing by the second. I’d been calling him all day, and of course he had been ignoring me, but I try it again anyway. Maybe the calls plus the buzzing will be enough to get me a moment of his oh-so-precious time.
At this point, my finger is jamming into the buzzer with no small amount of rage, when to my surprise, the door clicks and the light around the keypad goes green. Not wanting to waste any time on a possible mistake, I jerk it open.
When the elevator spits me out in front of Andries’ apartment, I don’t even have time to reach for the doorknob before it’s opened for me. My heart is ready to pound out of my chest, but instead of Andries standing in front of me, tall and irresistible, it’s his smaller female counterpart.
“Oh,” I utter in shock at the sight of Elise.
