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I wait until the car is out of sight and Andries is nearly to his door before I appear. He’s always been so perceptive, and he turns to see me approaching immediately. At first, he freezes, mouth forming the first syllable of my name, before he snaps out of it and tries to beat me into the building, no doubt planning to lock me out as soon as he has the door closed.
I’m past the point of shame, running to cut him off, and grabbing him by his jacket sleeve to stop him.
“Andries!” I gasp. “One fucking minute! Please!”
“Damn you,” he growls, jerking his arm out of my grasp. “Leave me alone.”
I’m not done, though, and I shove my arm between him and the door. I can see his jaw clenching with frustration, but he breathes through it.
“Roxanne…” He rubs one hand down his face. “Fine, okay? Fine. In the lobby though, not out on the street. I’ve had enough publicity for one day.”
I follow him inside, asking, “What do you mean by publicity?”
He waves the question off. “Just go on YouTube and type my name when you get home. You’ll figure it out.”
In the lobby, I move toward a bench, thinking we’d sit and talk, but he’s having none of it, keeping his arms crossed and spine stiff as he stands. With a sigh, I forgo sitting down and stay standing as well.
“You have a minute, two if you’re lucky, so get started,” he snaps. “But first, how the fuck did you know when I’d be home? Do I need to get a new place now that you’re stalking me?” I hesitate, and he laughs darkly, shaking his head. “Never mind. Lili, of course.”
“In her defense, she sent a selfie of her and her friends. She didn’t even realize you were in the picture until after she sent it.”
“Hm…” He shrugs one shoulder. “Fine. Go on.”
I take in a huge breath, letting it out slowly. “Where do I even start?”
“Get on with it, Roxanne.”
“Okay, okay…” I close my eyes for a brief moment, trying to calm my thundering heart. When I reopen them, my gaze lands on his mesmerizing blue eyes, and I can't help but say, “I miss you. Terribly. Every morning, every night, every waking moment something else isn’t taking up my energy, I’m thinking of you, missing you. I know this is my fault, and that I fucked up royally, but you have to understand… I’ve never been in love before. What I feel for you is something brand new for me, and I’m not willing to let it go without a fight.”
“You don’t have a choice. I broke up with you.”
“But you loved me, right? It was as all-consuming on your end as it was on mine. I know it was!”
The laugh he gives me is full of self-loathing. “And it was all fake. Every second of it, because I had no idea who you really were.”
“I wasn’t lying when I told you that I stopped escorting the moment I even considered being with you, Andries. I was never sleeping with you and someone else.”
His gaze sharpens. “And since?”
“Of course not,” my voice sounds small and pathetic to my ears.
There’s a moment of indecision in his expression, I’m sure of it, but he seems to shake himself out of it. “It doesn’t even matter. You lied about who you were, and now that I know the real you, I’m not interested. I’d never date a prostitute.”
I flinch from the harness of his words. “I’m not a prostitute.”
“But you’re still managing that fucking brothel, aren’t you?”
“It’s not a brothel; it’s an escort agency.”
He cocks his head to the side. “But you’re still selling sex there, no?”
“Well, sometimes, but—” I stop mid-sentence, knowing this argument is going to escalate. “None of that matters right now. I’m here because I want you to give me a second chance. It wasmeyou fell for. Just because you didn’t know my occupation doesn’t mean that it wasn’t really me, love. It’s always been me. And I love you.” I take a step closer to him, and when he doesn’t immediately move away, another. “Give me another chance.”
Andries watches me, his face shuttered, but real, unmistakable yearning in his gaze. For one brilliant moment, I think he’s going to accept, so I close the distance between us, taking his beloved face between my palms, attempting to slant our mouths together and end this wretched time apart. Hisbreathing is shaky, and his eyes are hooded. He wants this. He wants this as much as I do.
It isn’t to be, though. Nothing in my life has ever been easy, but the heartbreak I feel when he pushes me away is beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. I sob his name, and try to kiss him again, or at least just touch him, but he grasps my wrists firmly and holds me at a distance.
“We’re done. I’m serious.” He releases me but holds a hand up to stop me from trying to move closer again. “I’m going to move, Roxie, and then maybe when you can’t find me anymore you’ll finally accept that this is over. For good. I’m moving on from you.”
