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“Ryder, baby?”
My voice was low; I hoped my soft-spoken tone was enough to get through to him. He didn’t budge at first – his body grew still for a moment before his head lifted, his glossy, Tyrian eyes met my gaze.
We stared at one another; the time ticked by as we sat in silence. I wouldn’t force him to talk to me, but I’d at least let him know I was right here, ready to support him.
He closed his eyes before lifting his arms out in an outstretched hug.
I leaned into him; my arms encircled his neck as I pressed my body against his in a hug, squeezing him tightly, as he pulled me into the chair; his head rested on my shoulder as his body continued to tremble.
My hand caressed his short, black hair, sticking with a consistent pattern to soothe him. I listened as he sobbed against me, his sniffs and exhales muffled against my shirt as he cried. I continued my hug, allowed him to shed every tear he’d been holding back. He finally calmed – the shivering came to a stop as he pulled back far enough to look at me, but still had his body pressed against mine.
“I’m sorry I – I shouldn’t be crying. It’s not noble of me.” He apologized, lowering his head in shame.
“Ryder, allowing me to hold and comfort you during a time you need support is the noblest thing I’ve witnessed. Anyone can gather enough courage to stride onto a battlefield, but it takes strength to allow your walls to fall and reveal that you are also an individual with a heart and admit that life is hard. You shouldn’t think badly of such,” I whispered. My hand cradled his face; my thumb wiped the tear that rolled down his cheek.
“But, I can’t show that side to anyone at the castle – not even to my own family. I can’t show weakness or discomfort. I can’t reveal how upsetting it is when my father continues his useless attempts at setting me up with someone I don’t even love, for his personal gain. I can’t tell my mother that after six cycles, I still have vivid nightmares about Anya, increasing in frequency days before her death anniversary. I even feel ashamed for breaking down in front of the others when you were in a coma. What leader cries and shows weakness? What leader breaks down over such pitiful reasons? My tears won’t bring Anya back. My sorrows won’t stop my father from trying to decide my future for me. The only thing that changed thanks to such heartbreak was the beautiful woman before me. Other than that, such weaknesses are nothing more but, a hindrance,” he confessed, and his eyes reflected how aggravated he was.
I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing his words to sink in before I opened them – my face grew serious and my eyes held power as I concentrated on his.
“Ryder Carter. The Starlight gods blessed us with life. With such blessings come emotions. They can be our strength and our weakness. They can lead us to victory, giving us, the courage and motivation needed to rid our opposing enemies, or it can lead us to our downfall, blinding us from realizing how underpowered one can be. We are meant to FEEL Ryder. This life won’t be filled with just happiness. You have to experience sadness, anger, fear, and lust. Even happiness and pride can bring you down or overshadow concerns that need consideration. Your sadness, your anger, even those bloody nightmares are a reminder that you are alive. It’s a reminder that after all the challenges and struggles, you lived to tell the tale. Would I wish for you to always experience such emotions? No. But, would I wish for the gods to steal such experiences from you? I certainly would not. The pain we deal with in life is what shapes us – the sadness and regret that clings to our beings are there so that when we experience happiness, it is all the sweeter because we know that sadness or regret. The anger that builds and bursts out in an act of rage teaches us, and the others around us, our limits and how to control it or walk away. No one should ever look down upon you for being what the gods created. Both humans and shifters alike have feelings and such emotions should never be deemed as useless. You are a wonderful leader, Ryder. You take on the burdens of your fellow knights, down to their feelings and struggles. I know you don’t understand why such a gift was given to you...but with time, you will understand its purpose. Don’t let your gift affect your own feelings. You have every right to break down and focus on your own troubles. Never consider it a hindrance, because it has shaped you into the leader that many look up to...including me.” I leaned forward, kissing him ever so lightly. I prayed my words would empower him – give him enough strength to move forward.
I wanted him to pick himself up and strive for what he wanted in life, even if such desires were harder to achieve.
I needed my confident Ryder back, but with a newfound purpose; a mission to mold himself into the man he wished to be – a knight who’d never allow such trivial shackles to hold him as he continued to lead his fellow men and land to salvation, his princess by his side.
Those tender lips pressed back; at first with hesitancy, but progressed into something deeper. We kissed as if time had stilled, the world stopped to give us an eternity to demonstrate our passionate love. It wasn’t till our lungs begged to breathe that we pulled apart, breathless as we pressed our foreheads against one another.
“Mako…I—” He hesitated, but his heavy exhales carried on. I waited patiently, focused on decreasing my own rapid breathing, while I attempted to ignore the throbbing need that spread through me. I wanted more than just kisses.
I wanted my hands to feel the warmth of his skin as I sucked and bit at his neck. I needed to feel more than those luscious lips on mine; I needed to feel them trail all along my body.
His tongue skilled enough to please me in more than one opening and I wanted it. I craved to feel him within me – to connect us together as we rode the waves of ecstasy I’d imagined we’d experience together.But, did he want the same?
He looked up at me, his hands moved to cradle my face. I watched the remnants of hesitation and fear fade away – replaced by a renewed confidence and determination.
“I want you, Makoto Heart. I’m done with just kissing you. I want more...no. I need more. You have no idea what you do to me. How your body excites me when you’re in my arms, or how hard I became when I saw you in that two-piece bikini. If only you could know how I craved so many times to pin you against the classroom desk and fuck you, or the need I experienced to plunge into you that day in the library with your body pressing against my groin. I have dreamed of hearing my name escape those seductive lips as I bring you over the edge into the land of bliss. I just need to know if I can Mako.”
From the hunger in his eyes, to the unbreakable confidence in his posture as we sat there in silence after such a ground-breaking declaration, I knew he meant every word. I bit my lip and attempted to ignore the pooled wetness between my legs as my body shivered in desire. I was tired of being hesitant. It was time to let my body take control and work for what it wanted.
I leaned forward, my lips only a centimeter away from his before the words left me without any reluctance.
“Fuck me, Ryder.”
I watched his pupils dilate, expanding quickly before constricting back to their normal size. I felt the hardness between his legs grow, as his breath caught in his throat.
“Makoto.”
The sound of my name as it left his lips was somewhere between a prayer and a curse. I never knew I could want something as badly as I had once wanted freedom, yet here I was, sitting in front of a man I loved.
He held me in his arms as he stood from the couch.
“Are you sure you want this? Once I start – I won’t be able to stop.”
There was no hesitation, no doubt in my soul. This was what I wanted.
“I’m sure.”
Those words were enough for a switch to flick on – his lips crashed against mine as we began to devour one another.
