AllFreeNovel
Share Us
They get whatever they want, whenever they want. They have no idea what it’s like to have everything taken away. Plucked from the palm of their hands and thrown away like trash.
They have no idea what it’s like to be that very same trash.
Look at us.
As if it’s so fucking effortless.
I don’t regret kissing Valerian outside the church. In fact, when he came out, picked me up, and kissed me like he was dying, I think I needed it as well. I needed him. To be touched. To feel loved. To feel like I meant something to someone.
And then Zak and Levan. I became combustible when they were touching me. When Levan ordered me to bite Zak, I didn’t think I could until I did, and I wanted to do it again. I had control over him. I had everything I didn’t think I deserved.
But now?
Afterwards.
The effects…the illusion…it’s vanished.
All those sensations of lust and acceptance, they’re gone. Torn from my body like a soul ripped down to hell. The elation and comfort I was basking in didn’t even linger.
I now feel vile and broken and shameful.
Look at us.The words repeat in my head over and over. I know they’re waiting. They’re expecting me to obey.
I do obey.
All the time.
I do as I’m told every minute of every day, and all that’s ever gotten me is molested and treated like nothing.Because you are nothing. A whore like your mother.My father’s voice lives rent-free in my head, and my uncle’s follows behind. I can’t break free.
“I’m not a whore,” I hiss, not realizing I’ve said the words out loud until I feel Levan’s finger on my chin, lifting my head.
“Who the fuck called you a whore?” Zakar bursts out as he enters the room and slams the door shut behind him.
Going rigid, I’m unsure what to say. What to do. How to explain. “Don’t hide on us now,” Val warns.
Gnawing my lip, I then continue. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
“So don’t,” Levan deadpans.
“But I’m not ready to tell you about my life since…” I can’t even get out the words. I never got to grieve my best friend properly. Everything in my life exploded all on the same day, and as soon as the funeral was over, my father saw a chance, and he took it. I don’t know why. I likely never will.
Zak paces behind a brooding Valerian, muttering under his breath, and Levan stares at me, waiting for me to expound. “My life, it wasn’t like yours. Not before, certainly not after. I’m not the girl you knew. She’s long gone, and I’ll never be her again.”
“We know that.” Levan nods his head, his face unreadable. “We also know you’ve been suffering.” He speaks over me when I’m about to ask him how. “It’s written in the way you speak, hold yourself back, the self-deprecation after you’ve experienced some form of pleasure or joy. You give yourself away, Abilene.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t realized I was so obvious about it all.
“It’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s helpful because we can read you like an open book, no matter how hard you try to hide it from us. We see you,chemo sikharulo.” I feel my chin begin to warble with renewed tears.
Nobody has seen me in years. I pass through life like a feather in the wind. Pretty, but ultimately, forgettable and unimportant.
“You do?” They all nod simultaneously as they give me their rapt attention. “After Yelena, I wanted to come back, to visit. I wanted to see how you all were. My father and uncle, they moved us, and that’s when it started.” Drawing into myself, I pick at my nails as my head lowers, and I drag my knees up to hide behind.
“What started?” Levan’s voice fills with menace. Like he already knows.
Shaking my head, I tell them, “I’m not ready. Not yet.”
All three make sounds of anger, and I think one of them growls, but I can’t be sure. Zakar crouches down beside me. “When you’re ready, we do want to know. We’re interested in everything there is to know about you. No matter how insignificant you feel it is, it’s important to us. Do you understand?” I agree.
