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“We need to talk.”
“Yes, we do.” She looked over her shoulder quickly and it was then that he saw her duffel bag – the same one she’d arrived with – full to the brim.
Oh, hell. This wasn’t good.
“Where’s Charlotte?”
Her eyes swept shut, as though she’d been expecting that question. “Jacinda’s taken her to the park with Amelia.”
“Right.” That was something, at least.
Abby took a step backwards, gesturing into the lounge. “Shall we?”
Hell. He had no idea what to say, and his brain was still too sluggish to offer much help.
“Coffee?” He prompted, turning to her when she was silent. She shook her head.
“I just made a tea.”
“Right.”
He busied himself with the machine, watching as dark liquid spooled into a cup, buying for time, hoping his brain – usually reliably quick – would toss up a sure-fire conversational winner.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said last night.”
“Don’t.” He shook his head. “I was drunk. Nothing I said meant a damn.”
“Are you still drunk?”
He frowned, sipping his coffee. “No.” Hungover as all hell, but no longer drunk.
“Then tell me again: when we were ‘hanging out’ two years ago, did even a part of you love me?”
He felt as though he’d been cut off at the knees. He couldn’t answer her question. It sent him into a state of panic. But he was smarter now than he had been last night, and he didn’t give an immediate response. “Abs, you have to understand whoIam, to understand what I meant last night. Loving you, or anyone, it’s just never been on my agenda. I love spending time with you. I love the daughter we made together. And I love that we’re getting married.”
She nodded slowly, quietly, lost in thought, so for a minute, he had hope, and it was a hope that burned like a bright light in his chest.
“You can’t change who you are,” she said softly. “And I would never ask you to. I understand now what I didn’t then: there are limitations to you. Something inside of you is broken, and I’m not enough to fix it. Charlotte’s not enough to fix it. You’ll never love us. Not really.”
It was true, damn it, but hearing her say that was like being torn apart. “She’s my daughter.”
“I know. And you’ll move heaven and earth to be a great dad to her, but you’ll never let yourself really love her.”
“I do love her,” he said – and somehow, it was thewrongthing to say, because Abby’s skin paled and her eyes swept shut.
“Maybe you do,” she said uncertainly, like she didn’t know, and couldn’t trust him. “But you can love her as her dad, without being my husband. We can be parents to her without being a family.”
The world was shaking. He couldn’t think straight, he knew only that he wanted to use every weapon at his disposal to undo what she was suggesting.
“We agreed to this marriage when we were both in a state of shock, and trying to navigate a path through this, but things have changed since then. We’ve had time to get used to it, to try this out, and it’s not working. It won’t work.”
“You think this isn’t working?” He was genuinely floored because for him, every day since Abby and Charlotte had moved in, things had felt pretty bloody great, actually.
She rolled her eyes. “You’re kidding?”
What was he missing?
“Gray, I can’t marry someone I don’t love.” Her voice cracked and she looked down, shielding her face from his. “And I definitely can’t marry someone who thinks the idea of loving me is preposterous.” She lifted a hand, toying with the silky ends of her hair. “My whole life has been a lesson in the futility of that. My dad treated me like an afterthought, Eric cheated right before our wedding, you used me for sex. I’m done with being a disposable entity in a man’s life. I’d rather be single than married to a guy like you.”
