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“Xavier, no,” she whispered. “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”
He gave her a sad smile. “It was, Twink. And if after hearing any of this you both change your minds, I’ll understand.”
“Nothing will make me change my mind about you,” she told him fervently.
Brick just regarded him steadily. They both waited, their food growing cold. But he didn’t have much of an appetite anyway.
“I was working at Massachusetts General, this woman came in. She was in her mid-twenties. Seemed healthy enough. The nurses told me that she was a repeat visitor in the ER, but that there was never much wrong with her. But this time, she had strep throat. I treated her like any other patient. I don’t know if it’s because the other doctors and nurses usually dismissed her a hypochondriac or what, but she seemed to fixate on me.”
“Fixate?” Juliet asked.
“She’d keep coming back to the emergency department and asking for me. And there would never be anything wrong with her. Finally, I got sick of it. I had worked a long shift. Lost a young patient who’d been brought in after being in a car crash. I just didn’t have the patience for her to waste my time. She said she had a headache. I asked a less-experienced colleague to check on her. They dismissed her, telling her to take some painkillers. She died a few hours later from a ruptured aneurysm.”
“Oh, no, Xavier. I’m so sorry.” Juliet wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed.
“Not your fault, man,” Brick told him. “You didn’t even treat her.”
“But I should have,” Xavier said. “I pawned her off on a colleague because I couldn’t be bothered. It was my fault.”
“Xavy, no.”
“It was.” He blew out a breath. “Her family thought so, too. There was talk of a malpractice suit. I deserved it. To pay. Then it suddenly disappeared.”
“How?” Brick asked.
“Reuben?” Juliet guessed.
“Yeah, that bastard paid them all off. I was so angry at him. Mostly at myself, but it was easier to be mad at him. I quit and I turned into a hermit for a while. Until Reuben came to give me a pep talk. I punched him in the face and told him to fuck off, that we were no longer friends.”
“Oh no,” Juliet said softly.
“Not my finest moment. I’ve kept up the anger ever since, but it’s not fair. None of it was his fault. It was mine. However, something he said kept coming back to me. I could either wallow, and waste my life, and her death would be for nothing. Or I could actually help people. I found out about the opening at Wishingbone hospital and, surprisingly, got the job.”
“Of course you got it. What happened wasn’t your fault, silly man,” Juliet scolded.
He loved that she only saw the good in him. Fact was, there was more gray than he liked to admit.
“For the longest time, I didn’t think I deserved happiness. Still don’t in a lot of ways. But I’m not unselfish enough to not grasp hold of it. Of you, if you still want me.”
“Yes, of course I still want you.”
Unable to resist, he dropped his lips to hers and kissed her. A feeling of rightness swept through him. Of coming home.
He knew he would do anything for her. Whatever she needed, desired, he would give her.
Because that’s what you did for your heart. You held it, you protected it, cherished it.
When he pulled back, he glanced over at Brick, worried about his reaction. But the other man just gave him a nod. His tension eased.
“Coming back here was the best thing I ever did. Even if my parents can’t see that. They’ve never been satisfied with anything I’ve done, though. They’re not terrible people. But I wouldn’t call them good people, either. They care more about appearances than they do about happiness.”
“Guessing they wouldn’t approve of us, then,” Brick said.
“That’s putting it mildly.”
Juliet sucked in a breath. “We don’t have to tell them.”
