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“You want to talk about the nightmares?” he asked, distracting her.
“No.” She shuddered. “I want to forget about them.”
“How’s that working out for you?” he asked dryly. “They’ve been coming more often, right?”
She let out a breath. “I think it’s because I started doing field work.”
“You weren’t before then?”
“No, I’ve basically worked behind a desk my entire career. S
omething I’m starting to think was my mother’s doing.”
“Your mother? How?”
“She has her ways. She has a lot of power and money. Anyway, I got a new boss and I saw my chance. I presented my case, worked hard to prove I was up to the job.” She licked her lips. “About three weeks after we finished up here, I was given this case. It all went really wrong. We were just chasing down a lead. This kid saw us and must have thought we were there for him. Not sure how he even knew we were feds. He fired at us as we were walking into this building. And I .. .” She clenched her hands together.
“You what?”
“Froze. I fucking froze. My first experience of gunfire and I fucking froze. If it wasn’t for my partner, it would have been so much worse.” She cupped the side of her arm. “It was just a flesh wound. Only put me out of commission for a few weeks. But the nightmares started coming more frequently.”
“You were shot? Fucking hell. I wish I’d known.”
“Nothing you could have done.”
“Except take care of you,” he growled.
Yeah. She’d have liked that. Even if he was a bit overprotective. “So after I was shot, I had to see the FBI’s therapist. And I was back on desk work. I was finding it difficult to get up each morning and go to work. I felt like nothing I was doing made a difference. Like it was Groundhog Day every day, you know?”
“The therapist didn’t help?”
She grimaced. “I didn’t like him. He’s kind of old-school and condescending and I hated talking to him. Which wasn’t helping my case to move back to fieldwork. Truth is, I’m not sure I can do it again. I was a hindrance, not a help.”
“Is that why you’ve taken some time off?”
“Not exactly.” She grimaced. “There’s more. I was out getting lunch one day and this car backfired. I ended up crouched up against the building, having a panic attack. And guess who just happened to be right there.”
“The therapist.”
“Yep. He told me that I was burned out. And that I was suffering from work-related anxiety and stress. Boom. Indefinite leave.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry.”
“I was pretty mad. Then I was lost. I don’t really have anything else but work. I sat in my apartment, trying to figure out what was going on. I felt so exhausted and useless and stupid. My thoughts were overwhelmingly bad. I didn’t tell my family what happened. My mother has been trying to get me to quit ever since I became an agent. And I just didn’t need that. Before I knew it, I had packed some stuff and was heading here. To you.”
“Good. That’s exactly what you should have done.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t let myself think of how insane it was, I just got in my car and drove.”
“I hate that you drove while upset.”
She rubbed her tummy anxiously. “And then when I got here, I acted like a crazy person. I saw you with Kiesha and I thought that you were with her. I’m sorry—”
“Hush, it was a misunderstanding. You don’t need to be worrying about any of that, all right? It’s in the past.”
“Overthinking things is kind of my thing.”
“Then we need to think of ways to distract you from your thoughts don’t we?” He winked down at her. “I can think of a few.”
