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Cass has been texting me a lot since Saturday night. At first it was because she felt bad about how upset I was when I left her at The Golden Roo, then it was because I forgot to send her a message to let her know I got home safely. And ever since she found out why I forgot to text her, she’s been asking for updates on the ‘Ben situation’.
I know she’s worried, especially after seeing how shattered I was when he flirted with the blonde on Saturday night.
“It’s done,” I say. “We’re finished sleeping together and we’re still friends. He’s working on getting me a security system and he’ll install it for me tonight.”
I frown at how upbeat I sound.
“And then we’ll just go back to how things were,” I continue when my friend doesn’t say anything. “He’ll go back to sleeping with other women, and I’ll... we’ll be fine.”
I swallow hard. I can’t imagine him not being in my life anymore, so there’s no other choice than to be fine, right? No matter how much I hate the idea of him being with other women.
“Lainey,” Cass starts tentatively. “I haven’t had time yet to tell you about what happened after you walked out of The Golden Roo on Saturday, but I think you should know that Ben was pissed at both Duncan and I for you leaving early, and he came out with this tirade about how much he hates relationships, and how they ruin everything. He’s still so bitter and twisted up over Amber. Whatever this is with Ben, you can’t expect anything else.”
“I don’t. My eyes are wide open this time, Cass. Fool me once, and all that. I’m not making the same mistake with Ben as I did with Lucas. I know his heart belongs to someone else.”
“And you’re going to be okay watching him flirting with someone else and knowing he’s with another woman next weekend?”
The knife twisting in my chest at the mere thought is extremely telling.
“Maybe not straight away, but I will be. Maybe we’ll have to limit our interactions to one-on-one time or something until we get a handle on things. Or at least until I get a handle on things.”
He can come over and play cards with me again, and we can have Wong’s and a drink together, and hang out. Eventually, I’ll be able to go out with him and see him with other women, right?
“And you can do that, spend time one-on-one without falling into bed with him again?”
“I don’t think he’s going to want to sleep with me again.”
“But if he does?”
Damn it, why does the thought leave me aroused and ready for him? It’s only been a couple of hours since I left his bed, yet I’d give nearly anything to be in his arms now so I can experience the intensity I feel with him all over again.
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t think you should,” she says quietly. “You’ve only just gotten over this whole thing with Lucas. I don’t want to be pulling you out of a depression so soon after the last one. And it might sound selfish, but seeing you so down for three months straight... it was horrible. And I won’t have Ben this time around to help me pull you out. Please... just take care of yourself.”
“I will.”
“Shit, I have to go, hon,” Cass says. “I should have been on set two minutes ago. Call me soon, okay?”
“Yeah. Break a leg.”
I hang up, a little shaken by the pleading in Cass’s voice. She won’t be pulling me out of depression anytime soon. As complicated as this whole thing might be between Ben and me, I’ll never forget there’s no happily ever after for us.
***
I’ve just walked inthe door after bringing home my new laptop when I get a text message from Ben.
Can’t get the security system till Wednesday. Stay at my place till then.
My heart races as I contemplate his offer. Two more nights with Ben? I want to say yes so badly, but it’s that very desire that gives me pause. Well, that and the way Cass pleaded with me earlier. I’ve already spent three nights with Ben. It would be more sensible and logical to stop this now. Put us back on the same wavelength—where we’re just friends. He’s not forgetting that’s what we are, and I can’t afford to forget it either.
But I won’t feel safe until that system is in.
And I would only be staying with him for two more nights.
I’m still mulling over my choices when there is a knock on the door. My new window was installed before I went shopping, and I’m not expecting company. Usually, I’d be at work at this time.
“Tara,” I say when I open the front door and see my little sister standing on my doorstep.
