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“Not as well as I’d hoped,” I admit.
“Which was why Cass suggested Lainey go chat some guy up—for inspiration,” Duncan elaborates.
Ben sees the expression on my face and nods in the direction of the bar. “You want to come and have a drink with me?”
I’ve just said I’m going home, and I don’t really want to go up to the bar with him, where all those women are probably desperate for him to return and give them his attention. I certainly don’t want to experience the strange reaction my body had a minute ago to his proximity, or feel like a third wheel anymore. Yet when Ben stands up and looks at me, clearly waiting for me to join him, I find myself standing up and walking over to the bar with him anyway.
The bar is so busy that we have to wait a while to be served, and the whole time we’re waiting, I’m crammed against Ben, aware of the heat of his body. When one of the harried looking bartenders finally makes his way over to us, I sigh with relief and order lemon, lime, and bitters so I’m okay to drive when I’m finished. Ben orders another beer. As soon as we have our drinks, the two of us move so that Ben’s leaning with his back against the bar and I’m in front of him.
We take up less room this way, but now I have nowhere to look except up at him. He’s wearing a white shirt with black diagonal stripes. His long hair is swept back from his face and he’s clean shaven. He’s gorgeous enough to make my breath catch. And as his brown eyes smile down at me, I feel that zing between us again—energy throbbing and pulsing through me. But this time it arrows through my lower belly.
This is the longest drought I’ve had, and it’s clearly taking its toll on me.
“Cass trying to get you to start dating again?”
I clear my throat and try to shake off the stab of lust overtaking me right now. “She wants me to start flirting with guys again.”
I look over at the man she suggested I talk to, at the other end of the bar. But he’s not looking at me now. He’s chatting up one of the women Ben was talking to earlier. She’s probably looking for a one-night stand, and she might actually get laid tonight. Lucky her.
“Don’t let her pressure you.”
“I’m not. She means well, but—”
“It’s fucking annoying?”
“I’m just not ready yet.”
“Of course not. You’re not over Lucas and you’re not a one-night stand kind of girl, so it would be stupid to think about chatting up some guy.”
“Exactly.”
I lower my gaze, unable to look him in the eye. I’m no longer in love with my ex-boyfriend, but I haven’t told Ben that. Every time he brings it up, I let him believe I’m still in love with Lucas because... well, it was our feelings for Lucas and Amber that brought us together. I’m nervous that telling him I’m over it will change things between us somehow. I don’t want that to happen.
“I don’t want to rush into something,” I say. “Especially when I’m still learning how to be comfortable with who I am—still trying to copy your I-don’t-care attitude. I don’t want to start dating someone and looking for their approval like I did with Lucas.”
I twirl the straw in my drink and look up at him. “I need to get used to being that lone wolf you talked about, I guess. Become one of those people who goes out to dinner by themselves, or goes to the movies by themselves.”
The thought leaves me feeling a bit panicked and tight chested, but I can do it. I can totally do it. It’s just me, myself, and I for the immediate future. I need to get used to my own company.
“I told you, Lainey, you have us. You’re not alone.”
“I know, but it’s easy to forget that when you and Seb are... busy, and I’m left with those two.”
Ben looks back at the table where Duncan and Cass are sitting and makes a noise of disgust. “Why do you think I’m over here instead of over there? It’s nauseating.”
“That’s not the only reason you’ve been at the bar,” I remind him. “You looked like you were making decent headway with the blonde before.”
“Watching me, were you?” His tone is full of amusement, and I feel embarrassed and... caught out as his eyes meet mine.
“It’s easier than watching them.”
Tearing my eyes away from him, I look over at the blonde he was chatting up earlier and find her trying to pretend she’s not watching us.
I nod in the direction of the blonde. “You should go back and talk to her.”
“She’s playing hard to get,” he grumbles after following my line of sight.
“‘Let me take you home for the night’ didn’t work this time, huh?”
