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“What other bullshit did he spin you?”
There’s never been much love lost between Ben and Lucas. When Ben first started dating Amber, Lucas hated it and was standoffish. But when I refused to listen to Lucas badmouth him and embraced and looked forward to Ben’s presence, Lucas made more of an effort to get along with him. Perhaps not enough, though. The look of sheer hatred burning in Ben’s eyes when I look back up at him makes me really glad I’ve never been on Ben’s bad side.
“Dad saw Lucas and Amber together last night.”
Ben’s expression remains blank. “And?”
“And, I hadn’t told my father about Lucas and I breaking up.”
He looks perplexed. “Why not?”
“Because Dad liked him so much.”
“You should stop worrying about what your dad, or I, or anyone thinks. You’re an awesome person.”
“Shit.”
“I know I should have told him. It’s just... it was nice to talk to Dad and not hear about all the things I do to disappoint him.”
“Is that why you don’t tell your family about your writing? You’re afraid they’re going to be disappointed?”
It is. He’s right. But I’m kind of stunned he’s put it together like that when we’re not even talking about my writing. It’s further proof that Ben really does listen to everything I say. Warmth spreads through my chest. Why did he try to tell me I don’t want him as a friend? He’s a great friend.
“Trust me,” I say. “They really would be disappointed. My father thinks romance novels are trash. He thinks they’re right up there with pornography. Actually, he probably thinks they’re worse than pornography. He hates the fact that I write. He never was happy I worked for the magazine. Going out with Lucas was the first thing I did in my life that my dad approved of. I didn’t want to give that up.”
Lucas has a degree in Journalism and is halfway through a law degree. Dad hoped Lucas would become a lawyer, and that was enough to give him the stamp of approval.
“So Lucas just turns up at work today to give you a hard time over it?” His voice is full of disgust.
“It wasn’t... He didn’t give me a hard time. But he was... he said something that really messed with my head.”
“Because he couldn’t be satisfied with just telling you he’d spilled the beans to your dad.”
“I think he was trying to help me.”
“How?”
“He told me I tried too hard to please him because I couldn’t please my dad. He said he never knew if I was happy while we were together. He wondered if I was just trying to please him by going along with whatever he wanted.”
Ben sits back in his booth, running a hand over his jaw. “What do you think?”
“At first I wanted to deny it. I still want to deny it now. And I’m so angry that he brought it up with me today, instead of saying something about it while we were actually dating. But the more I think about it...”
“You think he’s right.”
“It doesn’t matter if he is, though, does it? It doesn’t change anything. It wouldn’t have changed anything while we were dating. He was always going to wind up with Amber, wasn’t he?”
“Probably. But this shit about you pleasing your dad needs to stop. Worry about pleasing yourself. That’s all that matters.”
“But ...”
“There are no buts, Lainey. You could spend the rest of your life trying to get your father’s approval and never get it. Trust me on that one, it’s a waste of time. No matter how hard I tried as a kid, my father told me I’d never amount to anything. Last time I saw him, he told me I’m a waste of space who should have been aborted.”
“Ben, that’s horrible!”
“I don’t talk to him anymore. Nothing I do in this lifetime will change his mind, so I decided I wasn’t going to care what he thought of me. What’s the point in caring? It’s not going to change his opinion of me.”
I’ve always known Ben doesn’t have a great relationship with his father, but I never knew his father’s animosity ran quite so deep.
