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Because I am, even if it doesn’t change anything between us.
“And so am I,” he says earnestly. “I never should have let you go. I want it back, Lainey. I want you back. I want to go to bed with you at night and wake up with you in the morning. I want to take you to dinner. I want to watch movies with you and listen to you tell me about your books. I want us to be together.”
“I need more than some non-relationship, Ben.”
“It was never a non-relationship, Lainey.”
I stare at him. “You said you wanted to keep it casual.”
“You were falling for me, and I was falling for you. We spent every spare second together. I just refused to see what was in front of me because I was so afraid of disappointing you and not being enough.”
I don’t know what to mention first, the fact he said he was falling for me, or his deluded belief he’s not enough.
“I told you, I just wanted to love you and have you love me.”
“I know.” He takes my hands and holds them in his. “And I want that, too.”
“You’re no longer worried about not being enough?”
He grimaces. “I’m not going to let that fear stop me anymore. I don’t want you to move on. I don’t want to lose this chance with you. I want to be the man who gets you and appreciates you, Lainey. I want to please you. I want to deserve you. I can be the man who looks at you the way you want him to.”
Oh, God. I’m speechless. Because he is looking at me that way right now—the way Duncan looks at Cass, and the way Lucas looks at Amber. His eyes are dark and intense, pinning me there. It’s as if I belong to him, like I’m his and he wants to keep me forever.
He leans in and lowers his lips to mine, giving me the most heartbreakingly tender kiss I’ve ever received. When he finally moves away, my knees are weak and if he wasn’t still holding my hands, I’d be worried about falling down.
“You were wrong about me, Lainey. My happy ending isn’t with Amber.”
“You said she’s the only woman you’d ever love,” I remind him.
I can see that this isn’t true. I can feel that it isn’t true. But I don’t understand what’s changed between now and two weeks ago.
“Telling myself that, and telling you that, meant that I didn’t have to put my heart on the line and risk having it ripped out all over again. I was just holding on to her as a shield, but I realised something when I went to see Amber today.”
“What was that?”
“Fear gets in the way and screws up everything. If Amber and Lucas hadn’t been so afraid of ruining their friendship, they would never have hurt us the way they did.”
“That’s true. But then I might never have met you.”
He gives me a lopsided grin. “That’s true, too. I suppose I can actually thank Lucas for something. For bringing you into my life. Can you give us a different ending in your book?”
“Are you saying there’s a chance I’m your happy ending?” I ask, heart trembling.
“There’s definitely a chance.” He slides his hand around to the back of my head, under my hair, before meeting my lips with his. “What do you think? Will you write us together?” he whispers when we finally break apart.
How can I say no? Doesn’t every person deserve the chance at a happy ending? This opportunity to love him and have him love me has come two weeks after the time I was ready for it, but it’s better late than never. I needed him to meet me halfway, and now that he’s there, I’m not going to turn him away when it would only break my own heart. Ben taught me I need to do what I want and make myself happy, and what I want is Ben.
“Yes,” I say. “I’ll write us together.”
He looks back at the table, where Cass, Duncan, and Seb are all tipping their drinks in our direction.
“We should go back there and let them know we’re good.”
I grin at him and nod, even though I’m sure they already know.
“Well, that’s my job done,” Seb says, standing up and slapping Ben on the back when we reach the booth.
“What’s he talking about?” Ben asks Duncan, ushering me into the booth before sliding in next to me.
