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Three months ago, I might have agreed. But travelling with Dylan, following my heart and doing things I've never done before has me seeing my life through a kaleidoscope. Instead of seeing things in black and white, I see colours and possibilities.
Brody's isn't the house I've always dreamed of, that's true, but it would be...well, if I went in with him, it would still be something I could call mine.
And isn't that what I've always wanted? Something I could call mine and do with what I wish?
I thought the only way to attain that feeling was to buy a house, but buying a business is a way of putting down roots. And buying Brody's wouldn't just be about having something I could call mine – I'd be ensuring jobs – ensuring my own. It would create a security of its own.
Oh, I'm not getting lost in the glamour of it. It would be hard work and I have no idea if it's possible – if the bank would even look at the two of us as a good prospect, but between us, we could put forward a hefty deposit.
And that would mean I won't have to go back to the bank. I didn't realise until I left just how much working in that place took out of me. Now, whenever I think of going back, it actually makes me feel anxious.
The idea of working at Brody's, however, or taking on a business, building something and working with friends...I like the idea. A lot.
“I think that buying Brody's could be a good move for both of us.”
“Wait, you're thinking both of us owning it?”
I frown. “Well, I think we'd have a better chance of being accepted for a loan if we go in together. Besides, you're talking about us getting married, right?”
He takes my hand in his. “Yes, but...what about your house?”
I shrug. “A house is just a house.”
“Don't say that. I know how much it means to you.”
“How much itmeantto me.”
Dylan means more, which is why I took this trip with him in the first place. And seeing all these places – I'm beginning to develop my own understanding of what Dylan says about life being so short. There are still so many places to go, things to experience.
“I wanted a place I could call my own. Maybe it could be a bar instead of a house.”
“You want to get married and have children. Owning a bar might not be suitable if that's the life you want. And it is the life you want, isn't it?”
He's being logical and practical, I suppose. Strangely, the more he protests and tries to convince me it's not what I want, the more the idea grows on me. He's right to be practical about raising a family while owning a bar, but surely it isn't impossible.
“I want a family, definitely. And I still would like to buy a house someday. I'm just saying it's a possibility. I want you to be happy, and I love Brody's. It's an idea.”
“I guess it's something to talk about.”
Merging our lives together, we need to create a common vision of the future – something that's right for both of us. As life goes on, that vision might change, but right now the idea of buying Brody's sits well with me. I can see Dylan working in that bar, doing what he loves while I work there and focus on the family the two of us would create.
Am I being practical? I'm not sure. For the first time in a long time, I'm dreaming about a future without putting limits on it. And that feels pretty damn good.
***
“Hi,Claire. You're up early.”
I frown at the way Kara emphasises my name and speaks so loudly.
“Do you have someone there with you?”
“What? Someone here with me? No, why would you ask that?”
It's so obvious she does, I find myself laughing. Kara broke up with her boyfriend, which I'm happy about. The guy seemed like a douche and Kara sounded less and less happy the longer the relationship went on. I don't know if she's seeing someone else, or if this is just a one-night stand. Whatever it is, I hope Kara is happier. Seeing my happy-go-lucky friend nose-dive into misery was heartbreaking.
The fact I'm in another country has me feeling more than a little guilty. I'd only been gone for three months at the time of Kara's breakup, and even though there was plenty more we'd planned to see, I was concerned enough to toss around the idea with Dylan of going home early. Of course Kara told me she was fine and begged me not to cut my trip short, but I've been checking in on her every couple of days lately.
“What are you up to ,then?” I ask.
