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My attraction for him grew by the second, and I worried about what would happen if I let my thoughts go completely. Fantasizing about him was fun, but if I were to actually give in and think about a relationship with him, well, I would be putting my heart on the line, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that.
The last breakup I had endured wasn’t pretty, and I wasn’t too eager to get into another situation where I might have my heart broken again. Still, the thought of being with someone like Cole filled me with an excitement I could barely contain, so I felt torn. I wanted to be professional, but I also wanted to be happy.
And I wanted to make someone happy, too.
With the way we’d butted heads so far, I wasn’t sure we would be that good of a fit if we were to try to make a relationship work. Still. I didn’t invite him over for a beer to talk about the possibility of dating. He might flirt with me or give me a look that made my heart pound every now and then, but he hadn’t even said anything along the lines of being interested.
I might be able to deduce that he was through other signs, but still, it was a terrible idea to assume, and I wasn’t about to do that. I didn’t want to break my heart and die of embarrassment at the same time. And I had no idea what I’d do if I hinted at a relationship and he turned me down.
Rejection wasn’t the best thing in the world, and I had a tough time dealing with it.
But, our conversation continued to flow steadily. I felt Cole was comfortable sitting here with me, and he was enjoying himself. In no time at all, we drank the entire six pack ourselves, and three hours flew by so fast I could hardly count them. It had been ages since I had felt so at ease with a guy, I hated that it was getting on toward time for him to leave.
“It’s not like I have to go a few hours, but I’m going to be in bed early tonight. I want to get out to the stable first thing to start in with Romeo,” he said as I walked him to the door. “Thank you for having me over. Next time the beers are on me.”
“Deal,” I said with a grin. “I appreciate you coming over, really. I wanted to thank you for what you did for me the other night, and I couldn’t think of a way that seemed suitable short of getting you a drink.”
“And I appreciate it,” he said. Then, he suddenly leaned toward me, coming in for a kiss.
Panic seized me, and I put my hand on his chest, pushing him the step back. I was gentle, and I had a smile on my face as I did, but I hoped to God he wasn’t going to be upset with me for turning him down.
“Sorry,” I told him. “I’m not sure if that’s the best idea right now. We’ve still got a few weeks of work ahead of us, and I don’t think it’s going to do either of us any good to blur lines.”
“Of course,” he said with a nod.
He didn’t seem upset with me, but I could have kicked myself internally. I wanted to tell him about the pact I’d made with my friends when I was younger, and how important it was for me to find the right person before I slept with them. Not that he was coming in to have sex with me, but I knew if we kissed, there would be no way for me to stop myself. I would be all over him in a heartbeat, and I was sure I’d be dragging him back to the bedroom.
That would be heaven in the moment, but I wasn’t sure how we would be able to move on from that. It would be professionally a major conflict of interest, and I had to have him around to take care of Romeo for me.
I knew I was sending him massively mixed signals, but he was a big enough gentleman to just go with it. After bidding me a good night for the last time, I closed the door, then turned around and sat with my back against it, my heart racing.
I felt bad for turning him down for the kiss, but I also knew myself.
I had to control myself, and kissing someone I felt that attracted to wasn’t going to do me any favors. No, if I was going to maintain the professional line, I had to make sure it was there entirely, not sneaking in a few kisses here and there. It would escalate, I knew it would, and while it would probably be the wildest, hottest thing I had ever done, I had to honor the pact.
There certainly were things about Cole I liked, but that didn’t necessarily make him the one for me. I had to give it more time. I had to think about this and be ready for it when I was ready, not when someone else was ready.
I gathered myself and rose, taking a deep breath.
I felt good after those beers, but I was sure I felt even better because of how well it had gone hanging out with Cole. I couldn’t have asked for a better evening, and as I headed into the shower, I already was turned on enough I knew I’d touch myself to the thought of him.
It was the next best thing to getting to fuck him myself, and it was a lot safer.
Cole was amazing, there was no denying that, and I knew I’d have to watch myself.
God only knew what I could get into if I let myself go with him.
