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I shake my head again, denying his words. “You mention our camping trip, and I do a mental tally of all the girls that went on that trip with us, wondering if you were messing around with any of them. You did that.” I jab my finger at him. “You made me second guess every single thing.” I take a deep breath, trying to collect my emotions. “What you did will always be in the back of my head, festering, making me wonder when you’ll do it again, and I can’t live like that. My heart can’t take it.”
“I know my life doesn’t mean much, but I’ll promise on Lizzy’s life if I have to.”
“Are you being serious? You’ll do no such thing,” I hiss, darting forward and scooping up Lizzy, cupping her head protectively. She mumbles and looks around sleepily before her head drops back down to my shoulder.
He rocks back on his heels, his jaw tensing. He rubs his chest, and I know my insinuation was below the belt, and I hurt him, but I can’t help it. Seeing Anthony brought all the feelings I had suppressed back to the surface, and I want him to hurt as much as he hurt me.
He takes a few breaths, his eyes narrowing on me. “You did that because I hurt you. And because I get that, I’m going to let go of the fact that you implied I’d do anything to hurt our child.”
“God. Will you get over yourself? Don’t you get that your actions have already hurt her?”
“I know!” he explodes. “Every single day when I open my eyes, it’s the first thing I think of. But I would never, ever physically hurt my child.” The look in his eyes is one I have never seen before. It’s frantic, almost feral, his jaw ticking from how tightly it’s clenched.
It’s instinct that makes me take a step back, and he flinches as if I’d struck him. The fervor in his eyes fades, and he runs a hand through his hair.
“Alexis.” His voice is hoarse, defeated. “Come on. You know me. Do you really think I’d be capable of something like that? Is that how much I’ve shattered your belief in me?”
“We keep going in circles, repeating the same words, and it changes nothing.” I don’t know anything anymore, and it feels like I’m suffocating, struggling to get air into my lungs. I need him to go. Maybe in time we can get to a place where we can interact peacefully, for Lizzy’s sake, but I’m nowhere close to that.
Lucas opens his mouth, but no words come out. Because really, what is left to say?
“You know where the spare room is, and I think it will be best if you go back to Eric’s tomorrow.”
