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15
Alexis
When I get to the bar, Christian is already waiting for me. I spot him almost immediately when he stands from where he’s seated at a table towards the back. This will be okay, right? Just two friends catching up after many years. I’m feeling pretty good about myself tonight. I spent more time on my makeup than I normally do, and my hair has been straightened to an inch of its life. It took me ages to decide on what to wear, but I finally decided on a little black number that flares out and ends an inch above my knees, paired with strappy heels. Half of my closet might be lying on my bed, but at least I look put together. When I get to the table, he pulls out my chair, his smile lifting the corners of his lips. He always had a ready smile.
“You came,” He says while taking a seat across from me, his voice heavy with relief.
“You called.” We chuckle at how ridiculous we’re both being, and it somehow relieves the tension I’m feeling. “No, seriously. I thought when you suggested meeting up, it would be just one of those things one said when bumping into an old acquaintance.”
“Thanks to my job, I'm often out of the country, so when I’m here, I like to catch up with old friends.”
A waitress makes her way over and introduces herself with a friendly smile. After perusing the wine list, I order a glass of dry white, and Christian orders a beer. I take a moment to look around. It’s busy, but at least it’s not so noisy that we have to shout to hear each other.
“So, what is it that you do? If I remember correctly, it had something to do with photography?”
“Yes. I’m a photojournalist. So I go wherever the commission takes me.”
“That sounds exciting. So you’ve been to a lot of places?”
He grimaces. “I have, and it was exciting at first, but it gets old after a while. The constant traveling, missing important family events, and my parents getting older. It feels like I’m missing out on too much. Oh, and home-cooked meals. Let’s not forget about those.”
We share a chuckle at that, and the waitress arrives, depositing our drinks on the table. Christian waits until she leaves before starting the conversation back up.
“And you? What have you been up to?”
“I have a daughter, Lizzy. She’s five.” I don’t try to stop the smile that lights up my face, thinking of her.
“That right there is what I miss.”
“What?”
“That look on your face. The happiness that comes with having a family.” My smile dims, and I take a sip of my wine to hide it. I don’t want to put a damper on the evening by saying, “It’s my child putting this smile on my face. Not my family. Not anymore.”
“So you and Stacy never had kids?”
“No. It wasn’t the right time. I wasn’t around much, and it wouldn’t have been fair to expect her to do it all alone.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugs. “It is what it is. No sense in dwelling in the past. I was approached by an art gallery to display my work. I’m considering it. Take a break from all the traveling.”
A couple of drinks later, I’m completely relaxed, and surprisingly, I’m enjoying myself. Christian is an easy guy to talk to. The conversation flows freely, and he has so many interesting stories to tell from his adventures around the world, some making me laugh, others making me doubt his sanity for willingly going into such dangerous situations. He’s extremely good-looking, and I’ve noticed the appreciative looks he’s been getting from numerous women. His face is animated when he talks, and he has this way of looking at you when listening that pulls you in, making you feel that every word out of your mouth is important to him.
I want to kick myself because instead of thinking of a night of hot, sweaty sex with an extremely good-looking guy, I’m thinking about how perfect he would be for Lillian. But there’s no spark between us, no matter how much I wish there were. And pursuing something physical with him just as a “fuck you” to Lucas wouldn’t be fair to both of us.
“Isn’t that Lucas?”
My heart clenches when I follow his line of sight and see Lucas seated at the bar, his eyes fixed on us. I can see the fury boiling in them, but I don’t care. My eyes frantically search, trying to see if he’s here with Monica. I don’t know what I’ll do if he is. It feels as if no matter where I go, I can’t escape them, and it makes my rage start a slow boil. Is it too much to ask for just one night where I can go out, have fun, and forget about the shitty state of my life? I don’t see Monica, and I’m relieved when I spot Eric taking a seat next to him, but it doesn’t diminish my anger.
I turn back to Christian, and by the look on his face, I can see he knows I’m not happy.
“We can leave if you want.”
We haven’t broached the subject of my bare finger and why I’m meeting him alone, without my husband, and I suspect it’s because he’s too much of a gentleman to ask. Do I take him up on his offer to leave? No. That would feel too much like defeat. Besides, I’m not doing anything wrong. We’re not together anymore, and I can do what I want. I shake my head. Instead, we order another drink and try to get the conversation going again. But it’s useless. I’m on edge, the burning sensation on my back a constant reminder that he’s still looking at me. Countless times, I have to stiffen my body to prevent myself from turning around and looking at him. Will I see him with a woman? Lucas is handsome, sexy, and successful, and as his affair proved, even being married won’t stop women from wanting him. Or him wanting them back. Now that he’s single there’s no reason for him to hide. Now he can flaunt whoever he wants in front of me. I’m angry, but I know I’m not nearly ready to face that yet.
I startle when warm hands grip my own and look up into Christian’s warm gray eyes.
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Lucas, but I know that you’re uncomfortable. We can leave if you want.”
