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I don’t know how I manage, but I give him a small smile. “Everything’s good. I just have a lot on my mind with work.” He doesn’t look convinced, but when I reach up to give his hand a small squeeze, he lets me go.
“I really am sorry about our fight,” he says softly. “I have so much going on, and I overreacted. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
I just bet you do.“Don’t worry about it. I understand.” Again, he stops me with his hand on my arm when I turn around to leave. Keeping my face neutral, I bite back my impatient sigh. I can’t do this right now. I just want to leave.
“You’ll tell me if anything’s wrong?” His voice is concerned, and for a moment, I waver until I remember he just lied to me. And he did it without blinking an eye.
“Of course,” I lie. I won’t feel guilty because he’s the one lying to me.
True to my prediction, Lizzy comes racing down the stairs, already dressed, sunblock clutched in her hand, and I make my escape to my office.
***
Throwing my pencil down in disgust, I rake my hands through my hair. My concentration has gone to hell, and everything I try to draw is coming out a mess. A knock on the door has my head snapping up from where I’m morosely staring at the lines of a wedding dress that will never see the light of day.
The door opens, and Lucas leans in, one hand on the door frame, the other holding on to the doorknob. Before I can rein in my damn traitorous eyes, they glide over his muscular body. He’s still wet from spending time in the pool with Lizzy, tiny drops of water peppering his torso all the way down to where his swim trunks hang low on his hips. A few strands of his tousled hair hang over his forehead, still dripping water. Color is very important to me, and I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time studying the interesting contrasts in his hair. When it’s wet, the dark brown looks black, but when he’s out in the sun, the reddish undertones become more prominent, clearly shining through. When he’s in a space with artificial lighting, the red disappears completely, leaving only brown behind. My husband’s not bulky, but every muscle is defined, and my eyes move over dips and grooves that I’ve traced with my fingertips hundreds of times. Have there been other fingertips that had the same pleasure? The thought is like a bucket of ice water being thrown in my face.
“I can turn around if you like?” His voice jolts me from my thoughts, and I look up to find a grin flirting with his mouth. He knows how much I love his ass, and it’s always pleased us both that I could still admire him so much after all these years. That the attraction hadn’t waned at all. Yet today, I can’t summon any kind of happiness. Has his attraction to me waned? Does he still want me after all these years? Has the years and the fact that I had a baby changed the way he looks at me?
Exhaling a frustrated sigh, I force a smile on my face. “No, you’re good.”
His brows furrow into a frown. Normally I would go with it and tease, saying something like telling him to drop the shorts so I can see everything that belongs to me. He opens his mouth to speak, but I interrupt because if I have to hear him ask me one more time if I’m okay, I’m liable to grab the pencil and stab him. I’m not okay, but I don’t want to talk about it. Not now. He rocked my world earlier—in a bad way—and I’m still trying to process how to handle it.
“I’m okay. Just frustrated. I can’t get this sketch right.”
He straightens, dropping his hand from the door. “Why don’t you take a break? Have a glass of wine and relax.”
“You’re right.” He knows me so well. I can’t force my creativity. Either I’m feeling it, or I’m not. I need to distract myself, but after last night, the last thing I want is a glass of wine.
He nods, seemingly pleased that I’m taking his advice. “Eric’s on his way over to watch the game. I thought we could grill a couple of steaks. That okay?”
Where were you last night? The words are on my lips, ready to spill out, but I bite them back.
“You know you don’t have to ask.” And it’s true. I’ve known Eric almost as long as I’ve known Lucas. He’s been by Lucas’s side through those early, difficult years when they were building up their business, becoming a permanent fixture in our lives. He’s become a brother to me, and Lizzy sees him as an uncle.
“I’m going to grab a quick shower before he gets here. Lizzy’s in the playroom.”
“Enjoy.” God, why is it so hard to talk to him?
Lucas nods, tapping the door frame twice on his way out.
***
I’m so damn weak. I’ve made salads, buttered some buns, and now I’m on the porch, sipping my second glass of wine, watching Lucas and Eric smack-talk each other. So much for not wanting any wine. Normally I’d be laughing and joining in their good-natured ribbing, but I’m not feeling it. Lizzy is fast asleep. I fixed her a quick dinner when I saw her nodding off in her chair, trying in vain to keep her eyes open. The busy day had been too much for her, and she was asleep minutes after I put her to bed. It’s a nice, balmy night, so we’re having dinner outside.
“You’ve been quiet tonight,” Eric notes, lifting an eyebrow in my direction.
Stabbing a piece of my steak, I keep the smile on my face and face him. “Just enjoying seeing you two relax and joke around. It feels like we don’t do this nearly enough anymore. Lucas is working too hard. He’s never home anymore.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lucas stiffen, but I keep my gaze focused on Eric. He has the nose of a bloodhound and can sniff out potential business like crazy, whereas Lucas, with his charming personality and smile that put even the most difficult people at ease, has them eating out of his hand in no time.
“I remember back when you two made the vow never to let work interfere with your family lives. Now I hardly get to see him anymore. Lizzy was disappointed he missed her outing this morning.”
Although my voice is teasing, my eyes are intently focused on Eric. His reaction will tell me a lot. After thirteen years, I know most of his tells. Eric’s face drops into a frown.
“And he’s too busy to go away with us next weekend.” I see something flash across his eyes, something I can’t quite decipher, and the look he shoots Lucas is quick, so quick that if I had not been looking at him, I’d have missed it.
His laugh is awkward. “Well, you know how it is. Gotta strike while the iron’s hot. But I’ll try to rein him in a bit, okay?”
I tip my glass at him, my smile telling him all is okay—just a bit of light-hearted bantering—while inside, a little more of me dies. It wasn't an apology I saw in his eyes. It was confusion, and that's the last thing he should be feeling.
When it comes to business, those two are like two hands on the same body. The one always knows what the other is doing.
I plead exhaustion early and go to bed. By the time Lucas comes to bed, I’m pretending I’m asleep, even though my mind’s racing with a million things. It takes everything I have in me not to move away from him when he slides into bed and rolls into me, spooning me. It takes everything I have to keep my breathing regular when his arms tighten around me and he kisses the top of my head.
