AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“She’s Erin’s sister.”
“What did she want?”
Breathe Alexis, just breathe I silently admonish myself. “She wanted to know where Erin was. Now, are you ready to go see some mermaids?”
She perks up at that. “Do you really think we will? Katie said they have this spell that makes them invisible, and you can only see them if they let you.”
“Well, if they do, I can’t imagine they would want to hide from you.”
***
By the time we reach our rental, I’m exhausted. Luckily, Lizzy’s non-stop chattering has stopped me from spiraling down this hole gaping in my chest. Life carries on no matter how much you sometimes wish it didn’t. I only stopped at the store for the necessities and lots and lots of wine.
I’m glad we’re here, but my heart is also breaking. When I planned this weekend, I thought Lucas would be here with us. Never in a million years could I have imagined this. Once I’ve unpacked the car and Lizzy’s thoroughly inspected the house, we head down to the beach armed with towels, buckets, and spades. It is a gorgeous house set right on the beach, with sea views from most of the bedrooms. It has a huge porch spanning the length of the house with comfy outdoor couches and chairs in which you can snuggle and watch the views.
By the time early evening rolls around, we’re wet, covered in sand, tired, and Lizzy’s pouting because of the lack of mermaid sightings. I noticed a stack of takeaway menus on the kitchen counter earlier, so while Lizzy’s in the shower, I take a moment to order a pizza and pour a glass of wine. We eat on the porch, and it’s clear Lizzy’s lagging. We’re in this tiny bubble, and I’m desperate not to break it, but it’s inevitable. I might hate Lucas with everything I am at the moment, but Lizzy loves her dad and will want to say goodnight to him. I power my phone on, and honestly, I’m surprised to see so many missed calls and texts from Lucas.
Bitterness coats me. I thought he’d be happy that his mistress did his dirty work for him, that he could weasel his way out of facing me.
I don’t want to talk to him, so I hit his number and give Lizzy the phone. Grabbing the leftover pizza I head to the kitchen to refill my wineglass. I linger in the kitchen, tidying up an already tidy kitchen, but when I get back outside, Lizzy is still happily talking away. Disgruntled, I settle back on the couch, drawing my feet up. How long can a damn goodnight last?
“Here, Daddy wants to talk to you.” She puts the phone in my hand, and I eye it like it’s a snake.
“Go get yourself another juice box.”
The moment she disappears into the house, I end the call. When it immediately rings again, I power it down. I know we’ll eventually have to talk, but I’m in no state to do so at the moment. And definitely not when Lizzy is within hearing distance.
***
Lizzy dozed off about an hour ago, and instead of carrying her to her room, I put her in the master bed. When I get into bed, I don’t want to sleep alone. For now, I’m back on the porch nursing my third glass of wine. I’m soaking in the peace surrounding me, the gentle sounds of waves breaking against the shore, the soft sounds of palm leaves rustling in the wind, hoping that it can somehow soothe this ache inside me. With a sigh, I stretch out on the couch, gazing up at the stars. I don’t know how this has happened. How had it come to this? Were there signs before last weekend that I missed? I’m furiously going through my mind, trying to pinpoint anything, but I’m coming up blank. How could I have been so stupid? I grew up with a cheater and thought I knew all the signs. Wincing, I realize I forgot to message Lillian. Powering up my phone, I send her a quick text, telling her we’re safe and I’ll chat with her tomorrow. I know she’s going to be so mad, but I have enough of my own feelings to deal with right now. I hesitate for a long time, staring at the screen, but then open up Lucas’s messages. It seems I’m in the mood to punish myself.
Lucas: Babe, please answer my calls. It’s not what you’re thinking
Isn’t that what they all say?The snide thought slithers uninvited through my mind. It’s the first one he sent this morning after that text. God, was that only this morning? It feels so long ago. The next few are variations of his first one, begging me to talk, saying he can explain. Then, just after lunch, they change.
Lucas: God, Alexis. Where are you? Please, just answer your phone
Good thing he shot me down before I could tell him where I booked.
Lucas: I beg you, don’t do this. Tell me where you are and I’ll come. I’ll get in my car right now and I’ll come
Lucas: I’m going fucking crazy over here. I’m scared shitless right now. I need to know that the two of you are safe
Lucas: Fuck, please baby, please, please, please just talk to me. I love you so much and I’m so fucking sorry. I know you’re hurting right now, but if you’ll just talk to me I know I can make it better
With a sob, I throw the phone down on the couch. I can’t read any more of his messages. I just can’t. He’s a filthy fucking liar, and nothing he says can make it better. Tears run down my cheeks, and I throw my arm over my eyes. I want to block everything out, get a time machine and go back to a time before I even met Lucas. But I can’t, and I’m just so angry. He knew about all my hang-ups and promised me that my heart would always be safe with him. Like a naïve fool, I fell for all his lies and believed him. The questions keep going round and round in my mind. She said it started at the block party. That was six months ago. Was the attraction immediate? Did he wait to get to know her before he started fucking her? Was she the first or one of many? I need answers, even if each one will be a knife to my heart, but I want to confront him so that I can see his lying mouth condemn him further.
Oh God, he’s been fucking her while he’s been fucking me, and if she’s pregnant like she claims she is, that means he didn’t use a condom and I could be carrying some kind of disease.
I barely make it to the bathroom before I’m throwing up the half slice of pizza I choked down for Lizzy’s benefit. My hands are shaky while I flush the toilet and rinse my mouth. On the way back to the porch, I make a detour to the kitchen and grab a fresh bottle of wine because it seems like tonight’s a good night to drown my sorrows. Back outside, my phone lights up again with an incoming call, Lucas’s name flashing on the screen. I want to fling my phone against the wall, but I clench my fists instead before powering it down. God, nothing in my life has ever prepared me for the hurt I’m feeling now, and I just need it to stop.
Downing my glass of wine, I refill it. Getting drunk is not the answer, but I need something that will dull this pain, even if it’s only for a few hours. I want to forget that the last thirteen years of my life have been a lie. Pretend that this dream I’m living hasn’t turned into a nightmare, and I’ll wake up in the morning safely cradled in Lucas’s warm arms. I’m questioning the truth of every happy memory Lucas and I have shared.
Was it all one-sided, and was I too blind to see the truth?
Was he lying when he said I’m perfect and he wouldn’t change anything about me? Is she his idea of a perfect woman?
Does he call her beautiful?
Do they text during the day, sharing bits of their lives with each other?
I should have checked his damn phone.
Forgoing the glass, I grab the bottle and walk the few steps that take me onto the beach. The sand is coarse against my feet, the cool water soothing the slight burn when I finally stop. It’s a perfect evening, the sky stretching open and wide above me. It’s low tide. The sea is calm, the waves gently lapping against the shore, so unlike the waves of emotions crashing around inside of me, threatening to drown me. A strange sense of melancholy fills me as I stare at the moon’s reflection against the glassy surface of the water. I’ve completely raced past the happy drunk stage before careening headfirst into the blues phase. I lift the bottle in a mock salute before chugging a few mouthfuls.
