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I’m no longer running from my life but for the clarity on how to fix it. I need my twisted sense of normal back, but I have no idea where to start.
My muscles are alive, but I feel dead.
Briefly, I allow myself to rest when I see more blackness in my vision than I do the actual path before me. My hands rest on the back of my head as I draw in air through my nose and out my mouth.
The tank and shorts I’m wearing are like a second skin. Molded as the dampness of sweat coats me. My reward for putting in steams of hard work.
Finn should be here with me, that was our deal, but that would mean he’d actually have to leave his room.
Another reason I’m running more. There’s a heaviness inside the Casper mansion that’s stifling even though no one interacts. Everyone’s been keeping their distance since Silas dropped the bomb about Finn and Cole being brothers.
Cole had mentioned once that after his mom died, he’d spent more of his time here because it was hard being at his own. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. It’s like a spiritless ghost, not seen but felt everywhere within the home.
Blinking, the dots have become less hazy, so I decide to push forward. I don’t have much farther to go as I charge past the Kellets’ locked gate to get back to mine.
Knowing where I am also helps my brain shut off. I don’t have to think about where to go next. I can just let my legs move.
Running with Finn more has also helped with that outside the gates. Mostly, I stick to the loop around the Caspers’ and Kellets’ houses or the woods behind the properties.
Once back inside the mansion, I rip out my headphones and am greeted with nothing but silence. Something that when I first arrived back, I would have relished in but now I find irritating.
My footsteps echo as I climb the stairs not bothering to keep quiet. No one will say anything because that would mean they’d have to be annoyed enough to come out.
Abram’s been a recluse. Keeping to himself in his office anytime he’s home and Lorna, well, she does whatever she wants. As of late, that means most days, she isn’t even home.
The house seems empty and desolate even though it’s fully staffed. I’ve started to wonder if this is what it’d been like before and if so, I’m not surprised Finn had so many parties. The place needed some sort of life breathed back into it.
Once at the top, I trek my way down the long hallway Finn and I’s rooms share. I’m about to enter my own but my hands fist at my sides, drawing out a breath, and I spin on my heel instead.
I already know what’s going to happen but still, I try again, hoping that this will be the time I get what I want.
A response.
My knuckles rattle off Finn’s door. Using more force than necessary to try and overlap the music that somehow hasn’t shattered my eardrums yet.
It’s been thundering like this, nonstop since Finn came back to the house. Storming out after Silas had shown up and dropped the news that no one could have predicted.
Not only had he somehow lost control of his shares to the Hardin company, but Cole and Finn are also now related.
Vividly, I can still see Finn’s face as it turned to a shade of white so ashen, you’d have thought he’d died, right there on the spot. The matching shocked look on Cole’s face was something I’m sure he wasn’t even aware was happening. Rarely is he caught so off guard.
The only person to stay remotely calm was Abram, and he even looked about one bad eye twitch away from erupting.
I wasn’t talking about you. I’m talking about my other son. Finn.
The cold, desolate way in which Silas had said those words sends a fresh shiver down my spine.
I press my ear against the door, willing myself to hear any kind of movement, but I get none. Growling, once more I try pounding the door, this time more out of frustration than anything. Not that it helps, nothing happens. Finn isn’t going to answer.
Heading back over to my room, I slump to my bed in annoyance.
Finn hasn’t been the only one who’s been distant. So, when my phone vibrates in my hand, I’m hopeful that it’s Cole but am yet again left disheartened.
Sure, Cole hasn’t been openly avoiding everyone like Finn, but he hasn’t been his usual arrogant, overly cocky self either. Anytime we’re together, his mind seems to be elsewhere. I find myself having to repeat things several times before I give up.
I’ve been patient but it’s starting to affect us more and more every day. I know it doesn’t help that neither of them have sat down to talk about this yet.
Sure, they show up to school and practices but that’s it. Nothing but the minimum to get through the day. I’m exhausted and I’m not even the one trying to avoid the other.
