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“He’s been beating himself up, you know,” he says suddenly, so simply and quietly that I stare wordlessly at him. “It would’ve killed him if anything else happened to you.” Matteo’s accent thickens, and my heart twists in my chest like a wrung-out towel.
“I don’t want to talk about Cain.” I pull on my sleeves and cross my arms as Matt shines a light in my eyes and asks me to sit for my blood pressure.
“You left this town to keep James safe,” Matteo reminds me, and I roll my lips together. “You put your brother first—you left to keep him safe. We do that for the people we love, Lauren. Cain did what he thought was best for you. You should hear him out. You’re miserable apart.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I whisper thickly, my throat closing with emotion.
“Lauren, you’re being stubborn. Put yourself in his shoes. He witnessed his father die, and his mother is a waste of space. The only woman he has ever entertained longer than a night is you, and he put you right in the firing line. He was worried you’d get hurt, and when you did, Cain did the only thing he could do to keep functioning at a low level. He shut down.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I cut in thickly.
“You’ve shut down,” Matteo admonishes quietly, and I shake my head. Tears rush to pool in my eyes and slip down my cheeks. “I didn’t give you up for you two to fuck it up,” he drawls in jest, and I laugh, wiping my tears.
“You never stood a chance.” Cain’s low voice makes the hairs on my arms stand up.
I snap to look at Matt, and he leans down to peck my cheek. “Maybe you’ll get your appetite back when you face the root of the problem,” he says simply and stands, picking up his drink and suggesting he and my parents go into the living room. Cain steps into view and drops down to his haunches in front of me.
“What's the verdict?” he asks me softly.
“Still pale.” I hum, drawing an invisible pattern on the tabletop, unable to meet his eye. His chuckle hits me right in the gut, and I bite down on the inside of my cheek.
“Lauren, look at me, please?” The soft rumble of his voice has my toes curling against the floor. I shake my head and wipe a stray tear. “I wanted so badly to come and see you. I was checking in with as many people as possible, and they all believed you were doing okay.” He cups my face and twists my head to face him. “If I'd known you were struggling as much as this, I’d have dropped the case, picked you up and flown us to Koh Samui. That's all I want to do now. I’m worried about you. Worried you won’t forgive me for—”
I tilt my head away, unable to hold his cobalt blue eyes radiating pure love and fear at me. He sighs, and I bite my lip, feeling a fresh wave of tears rise like a blocked pipe ready to spill over.
“Before I left the hospital, you said you knew I loved you.” I drag in a shaky breath. “If you knew, why was it so hard to believe that I was trying to keep you safe? You know I value family over everything else. You're my family, Lauren. I want to build a life with you. I couldn’t do that if Royce hurt you.”
“Even if I try to reason it all away and make sense of why you chose to do it, I can’t just shut off all this pain. Something happened to me when you walked out of that hospital. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I hate you for making me this weak.” I swallow the ache in my throat and sniff as his face falls.
“Don’t say that. I love you, pretty girl.” He swipes his thumbs over my cheeks and closes the distance between us. “I’d never hurt you, not intentionally, never to this extent.”
“But you have.” My whisper-small voice has his fingers sliding into my hair. “I feel like I can’t breathe. I just want it to stop.”
“Then come home,” he murmurs. His forehead rolls over mine, and then his lips brush against my mouth, cloud-soft and as light as a feather. “Please come home with me.”
I shake my head. Too fearful, too untrusting.
“Lauren, please. I don’t know what else to do. I’m scared that if I walk away and give you space, you'll disappear on me. I'm terrified to put too much pressure on you.”
“Cain, you told me you couldn’t lose another person. What happens two years down the line when someone else crawls out of the woodwork and threatens my safety? Are you going to drop me off at my parents’ again?” I tug at my jumper and force myself to meet his gaze.
“No. Just for a second, think about how I felt losing my father—this grief you're experiencing is similar. Hospitals are a huge trigger for me, Lauren, the smell, the sounds. It all comes rushing back. I avoid them at all costs. I avoided them until you. I admit that, at first, I was in a high state of anxiety, and I made a rash decision. It was in the heat of the moment and irrational—fear-fuelled. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt it was the right thing to do. I knew I had to get rid of any threat from Royce before I could come back and win you over.”
He has far more demons than he had previously let on. I knew they were lurking beneath all his bravado. “How's that working for you?” I ask directly, sadly.
“Honestly, pretty shit.” He laughs shortly and then leans to press another kiss to my mouth, his lips moving with a gentleness I've missed. “Kiss me back, pretty girl.”
My head rocks from side to side, and Cain’s shoulder slumps heavily. His once bright blue eyes look hazy and dull. He runs his thumbs under my eyes and smiles sadly. “I’ve lost you, haven’t I?”
I reach up and run my fingertip over his top lip. “You know you’re a little rusty where relationships are concerned.”
“I don’t want relationships. I just want one. With you.”
I begin to cry, and he hauls me to his chest. I drag in a deep breath, imprinting his earthy smell in my mind. I tuck my head into his neck and let the same rush of calm he always gave me wash over me. “Why did you buy my building?” I ask quietly.
“Because I wanted you to be safe, and you’d never have moved to another apartment block.” He leans back and holds my face. “Even then, I wanted you safe, Lauren.”
“Maybe you can give it to Deeks,” I suggest.
