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But one thing he hadn’t realized about Holly was that reassurance was her daily bread. As soon as she was in the truck alone with Eric, the tension and pressure of wanting to hear him tell her was too much.
“I lied the other day,” she said.
He started the truck, waved goodbye to Cameron, and headed back toward the house. “Lied about what?” he asked casually, as if it weren’t a big deal. But it was, Holly heard it in his voice.
“I overheard what you told your mom, that you want to maintain our relationship, even after moving to Wisconsin.”
He swerved and barely missed running off the side of the road. With a heavy sigh, he pulled over and parked. “Why didn’t you say something? I’ve been wondering why you’ve been so needy the last few days.”
“N-needy?” His words slashed across her confidence.
“That was the wrong word, but you know what I mean.” He took her hand, but she slipped it away.
“No, I don’t know what you mean. I don’t think it’s being needy to want to know the direction our relationship is going. I didn’t think the conversation with your mom went all that bad. I’m happy to be with you. All the time, I picture our future together. Isn’t that what you want?”
Looking out the front window, he ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t want you to find out like that. Things are still up in the air.”
“Are you saying in less than a few weeks, you’ll change your mind? That you won’t want to still date?”
“No, Holly,” he said, taking her hand and holding it tight. “I’m not saying that. I’m just saying I like the pace of our relationship.”
Holly bit her lip, not knowing what to think. “But you want to stay together?”
Of all the actions in the world, he shrugged. “Yes, I think.” He winced. “I don’t want to rush things, and suddenly this internship is here and I have to make decisions I don’t want to.” He squeezed her fingers as she tried to ease out of his handhold. “Holly, you know I really like you a lot. You’re beautiful and so kind. I can tell you anything, and I know you’ll be supportive. You’re everything I want in someone.”
So, what was the catch? Where was she lacking?
“I thought I was ready for those three little words, but now I want to be absolutely sure. I wouldn’t want to hurt you if things went—”
“I understand.” Holly slipped her hand out of his, and after a sigh, he pulled back onto the road.
She didn’t understand at all. How could he have flipped so suddenly? She must’ve done something. Had her clinginess been too desperate? In the last few days, although they’d had fun, she’d always stuck close to his side, waiting for him to bring up the hard topics. But when he hadn’t, it had been hard to hold onto hope. And suddenly it was just . . . gone. She wasn’t sure where they stood. All she knew was that if she didn’t back up soon, she’d lose him for good.
That was fine. Before Eric, she hadn’t dated anyone in a while and knew how to be on her own. It just broke her heart to do it.
Holly decided to hold things in until they were back to school, and she did her part in pretending everything was okay. Despite his mom’s jabs at her dinner later that night, she ignored it with a smile.
And when his father was the only one who woke up and said goodbye to them, she smiled. His dad had silently cheered for their relationship the whole time, and she honestly appreciated his kindness. He reminded her of all the good qualities Eric had.
It wasn’t until they got in the car to drive the five hours back to school that she gave up. No matter how much he tried to bring up subjects, she didn’t have the appetite to add to the conversation.
The two-hour drive that was left was as quiet and as tense as her parents’ house after a fight. Luckily, Diane and Cameron kept the conversation rolling enough to make it bearable.
As soon as Eric pulled into the apartment parking lot, Holly was ready to flee. But she waited. Waited for Eric to open the back of the trunk, waited for him to drop her bag off and kiss her goodbye, and then she ran for her room and cried the tears she’d held in for too long.
23
Eric
His first day back trudged by painfully. Painful because he knew the more he was with Holly, the more he would want to be with her, so he avoided her. And also painful because Holly was more than willing to avoid him too. In less than a few hours, she’d become as invisible to his life as she had been before they’d started dating. He would’ve thought she’d broken up with him except for the smile she occasionally sent him between classes or when he ran into her around the apartment complex.
By the end of the week, he’d figured it out. He was not avoiding her. It was the other way around completely. It was Holly who was avoiding him, and he was letting it happen.
The week in St. George had gone well enough, but he’d gotten scared and intentionally pushed her away, and now he felt like an idiot. It felt stupid, their unspoken conversation. He wanted to be the one to bring everything up. He had wanted to be the one to tell her how he felt. He had wanted to be the one to tell her he couldn’t live without her.
But after a few days of her by his side, almost obsessively, he’d started to doubt his feelings. Even though they’d been friends for years, he felt as if he were with another woman. One who needed reassurance that only he could give, and he had chickened out.
After one week without her, he felt the same loss, the same obsession to hold her tighter.
