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“Your momma is definitely magical,” I agreed.
She spun around with her arms out, smiling brightly. “This is the most beautiful birthday party ever,” she said, then ran over to hug my legs.
I ruffled her hair. “I agree. But you better go on inside and get dressed. The princess needs to have her proper party dress on before guests arrive,” I told her.
She nodded, then skipped her way to the back door of the house.
“Oh, Brady!” Mom gushed as she entered the backyard. She was carrying a tray of cookies, and my father, who walked out behind her, was also carrying a tray. I took a deep breath and tried not to let it get to me.
“Riley’s good at this. Like most all things,” I said, then went over to take the tray from her hands. “These are fantastic, Mom,” I told her.
She was still looking at everything. “I hope so. I wanted them to be worthy of this party, but I don’t know if they are.”
“They are a perfect addition. The kids are going to love them,” I assured her, then walked over to put them out on the table with the other sweets. I knew Riley wanted to put them on the tiered tray she had, but I also knew she would want to do it a certain way. I didn’t try and help with that.
“Better than anything we ever put together for you,” Dad said, placing the other tray of cookies on the table.
“I was good with the campouts,” I replied for Mom’s sake, not his. He had been the one to take me and my friends camping for my birthdays. I had great memories of that time. I didn’t want him taking that from me. But seeing him with Mom was making me hate him.
“They were all you’d talk about for months,” Mom said, smiling. “Having a boy was easier than a girl. This is a lot more work than those camping trips.”
“Riley loves doing it as much as Bryony loves having it,” I told her.
“She’s a wonderful mother,” Mom said. She wanted to say more, and I didn’t need to ask her to know what it was. Mom was ready for us to be married. She’d hinted about it for over a year now. It wasn’t something Riley ever mentioned though, which was a relief. Our life was perfect and in my head marriage wasn’t. Thinking about it too much terrified me but then when I looked at Riley I knew I’dnever hurt her. It was an internal struggle I had been facing for awhile.
“Yes, she is,” I agreed.
“Hey, Boone,” Nash called out. “Come get a drink.”
Dad nodded and touched Mom’s back briefly before walking over to the adult refreshment table. I didn’t miss it, and my hands clenched in fists at my sides as he walked away.
“Honey, please,” Mom whispered. “Don’t do this.”
I shifted my glare from my father’s back to my mother, then immediately softened as I saw her pleading eyes. “He can’t be trusted, Mom.”
She sighed and reached out to take my hand. “That isn’t your decision to make. I’ve never stopped loving your father. Even when he… when it all happened. I couldn’t shut the love off. We share a history. We share you. That doesn’t just go away, son. He made a mistake, and I’ve forgiven him, but I won’t ever be able to forget it. That will always be something that changed me. Changed us. Things will never be the same. But he learned something from all of that. And we are getting older. Life goes faster every day.”
“But you don’t have to settle for him. You’re still young, Mom. You can have a life with someone who cherishes you.”
“But I want a life with someone I love. Someone I haveloved the majority of my life. I want a life with your dad. I know you don’t understand it, and I can’t make you. But this is my choice. I fought it. I won’t lie to you. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to move on. But I couldn’t. He’s always going to be my one.”
Sighing in frustration, I ran a hand through my hair. How can she feel like this? Why? Why can’t she let him go and find a man who is worthy of her?
“Put yourself in my shoes. Twenty years from now, with the stress of life, work, and family all getting in the way of being a partner. Remembering to spend time together. To work on your marriage because you have too many other things getting in the way. You find out that the woman you’ve loved and built a life with has cheated on you. Could you stop loving her? Could you walk away and never look back?”
I opened my mouth to say that it wasn’t the same, but I stopped. Because I had no fucking idea what that was like. I hadn’t experienced that life yet. I stared at my mom and thought about Riley. The realization that nothing on this earth could make me stop loving her sank in. She couldn’t change that. No matter what she did to me, I couldn’t stop loving her and wanting her. I would forgive her for anything. It was something I didn’t understand about Nash. How he was staying away from Tallulah when it was clearhe was empty inside. He needed her, so why couldn’t he forgive her?
I turned my head to look at my father, who was laughing at something Nash was saying. My dad seemed happy. It had been years since I’d seen him truly happy. He didn’t appear as uptight and stressed as I once remembered. His gaze moved to Mom, and there was a softness in his eyes as he looked at her.
Fuck.
Damn.
Shit.
I didn’t want to understand this. I didn’t want my mom hurt again. I didn’t trust that man, but what did I know? I was twenty-four years old. There was a diamond ring hidden under the seat of my truck and had been for six months. I wanted Riley forever, more than I wanted my next breath, but I hadn’t asked her to marry me. I’d had plenty of chances, but my fear of marriage had held me back. It was my dad’s fault I was so damn scared of it. When I knew Riley and Bryony should have my last name. That they were mine just as much as I was theirs. We were a family and yet I couldn’t bring myself to make it legal.
As I stood there thinking about Mom’s words and watching my parents look at each other as if they were twenty-four, I thought about them. They were whymarriage scared the shit out of me. Deep down, I was terrified of hurting Riley, of becoming my father. I was scared of myself.
