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I went and talked to him.
“Hi,” I said, sidling up behind him at the bar.
He jerked like I’d electrocuted him. “Faith,” he said, as he turned.
It wasn’t a sexy use of my name. It was resigned. Annoyed. Disgusted?
Whatever it was, it wasn’t good and it made heat flood my face. “Is there anything you would like me to do? To help make the event more successful?”
“Anything I’d like you to do?” he asked, shaking his head. “No. There’s nothing.” His expression was cool, remote. “The event is going well and you’re doing an excellent job from what I’ve heard. Thank you for not drinking tonight.”
He was in boss mode. Not the man who had been buried between my thighs. Not even as a friend.
Given the environment we were in, he was being smart. He was right. But it made me feel strange that a man that I’d shared so much physical and emotional intimacy with was standing in front of me wearing the mantle of a boss and there was nothing I could do about it.
He’d asked for more. I’d balked and turned him down.
“I can be professional. For the most part.” I smiled at him.
He didn’t smile back.
I wanted MacKay. I wanted him in every way possible. I wanted to feel his arms around me, his lips on mine. I had pushed him away. Told him I needed space. He was respecting that and I should be grateful.
But now I was both scared of losing myself to himandlosing him altogether.
Shawna was right. I was in love with him. And this was a bad idea to be talking to him.
“No one needs me hugging everyone within reach,” I continued, leaning on an inside joke, referencing my embracing Becky at Four Brothers. An inside joke, between him and me.
He didn’t indulge me.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem mad,” I pressed. The minute it came out of my mouth, I hated that I’d asked. “I’m really sorry about the other night…”
I sounded plaintive, pleading, and nothing like the strong independent career woman I wanted to be. I had pushed him away. What did I expect? Continued flirting? That was selfish. I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too.
“I’m not mad. I’m disappointed. But beyond that, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”
I dropped my shoulders. Nothing he was saying was unreasonable. I was the one being unreasonable. “Okay. I’m sorry. I just… miss you.”
Why did I saythat?
Just because it was true didn’t mean I had the right to say it out loud. I stumbled to recover. “Our friendship. I miss our friendship.” I winced. This was why I shouldn’t be in a relationship. I kept repeatedly botching it.
MacKay swore under his breath. “Faith. I’m going to ask you to do something for me.”
My heart started to race. I had no idea what he wanted me to do, but my body tingled in anticipation. Did he want me to meet him after the event? Or in the alley right now? Or was it something work related? It could be any number of things..
Yet I was pretty sure I would do almost anything he asked.
“I’m working really damn hard on letting you go. On letting go of the idea that I could have you in my bed every night.”
I was speechless. My chest constricted and my inner thighs bloomed with desire. I was about to throw caution to the wind. I was about to be impulsive. Tell him that I’d changed my mind. I was about to jump into his arms and demand he take me straight to that bed.
His next words stopped me from doing any and all of the above.
“Do you want to continue to work for Four Brothers?”
I nodded, bewildered. “Yes, of course.”
