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“If you’re sleeping, cough, primo.” Lourdes taps her fingernails on the door. “One cough and I’ll—” The door opens before she finishes, and I chuckle at the small squeak she emits. “That’s rude!”
“Hush, kid. Let’s not wake her up yet.” Closing the door softly, I walk past her and down the stairs, heading straight for the kitchen. My little cousin follows silently, heading straight for the fridge to pull out the creamer and milk before turning to grab our mugs. We’ve done this a time or a hundred, and I’m surprised she didn’t seek me out before today. Her feelings of guilt are written all over her face and actions—she’s haunted by memories that break my heart. “Now or after?”
“After. I’m still trying to gather my thoughts.”
“Okay.” Alejandro is a true coffee snob, and every family member has a setup that rivals the most expensive coffee houses around the world. The blends are rich while mine is a darker roast than what the others prefer, but I’ll need the caffeine today more than other days. “Are you drinking from mine?”
“Not if I want to live.” Lourdes snorts, reaching inside a small drawer next to the Keurig my mother wanted and that I bought last Christmas. She pulls out a pod of the mild stuff and preps her cup while I make mine, meeting at the coffee island a few minutes later where she pours the cream into mine and I cut us a slice of pound cake to dip.
Taking a sip from my coffee, I wait for her to start, but she doesn’t. Instead, she fidgets and looks past me to the clock on the microwave. “Talk to me, Lourdes.”
A heavy sigh escapes her, but her sad eyes meet mine. Tears gathered at the corners. “I’m so sorry, Javi. So sorry for not protecting, Mamita Ida.” My mouth opens to refute her, to explain it’s not her fault, but Lourdes shakes her head while holding a hand up. This is what she needs. To get this off her chest. “Rationally, I know I’m not at fault, but the fact I’m here and she’s not isn’t easy to swallow. She saved me that night. She pushed me down and fought with me to stay hidden at all costs and I…I should’ve done more. Dragged her out of the house if it came to that.” Tears fall freely from her face and her lips tremble, but I let her get it all out. Lourdes needs this. “I failed you, Javi. Please don’t hate me.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I—” Before the stubborn girl can finish her idiotic thought, I pull her into a hug and let her sob it out. Her body shakes and cries fill the room, and when Alejandro walks in to see what’s going on, I shake my head and he leaves. This has been bottling up inside her, and I feel like utter shit because thoughts like these should never have crossed her mind.
A teenager doesn’t stand a chance against high-caliber weapons and a group of men sent to kill. If anything, the men working security that night—two out of the three—who decided to head out for food instead of standing watch, are responsible. As accountable as the man who gave the order to kill an innocent woman.
Once her bawling turns to low sniffles, I pull back and take a seat. Lourdes does the same after I move her stool with my foot, and then she looks at me. “I could never hate you, bug. Never.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing for something you had no control over. You didn’t pull the trigger.”
“I should have—”
“You did what my mother told you to do, and I’m thankful you listened.” Picking up my mug, I take a sip of coffee and grimace. She put way too much sugar in this, but I swallow with a small smile. The last thing I want is to hurt her feelings. “What happened is horrible and God knows I’d give my life to have been able to save hers, but I was elsewhere and that’s my burden to carry. I should’ve been here for you both and—”
“Don’t you dare apologize!” Lourdes hisses, face hard, and I’m surprised by this sudden flip in her mood. “Mariah told me you’d feel guilty, that you were probably holding stuff in for my benefit, but dammit, this isn’t on you. My brothers didn’t know. Our security messed up. It’s just one giant mess, and that woman upstairs is amazing.”
Teenage girls are hard to follow. We went from crying to angry to now a small giggle.
Lord, please don’t repay my sins with daughters.
“What did my Muñeca say?” This for some reason fills me with guilt. This beautiful, selfless, and utterly perfect-for-me-woman flew here to be my support, and I fell asleep on her. When did they talk? What happened while I was knocked out?
“The same thing you just did, but in a more eloquent way.” Lourdes takes a sip from her mug and immediately adds more sugar. A lot more sugar. “She’s smart and so sweet, Javi. Don’t mess it up.”
“I won’t.”
“He won’t,” we answer in unison, and my body turns in her direction. Mariah’s sleep-rumpled and still wearing my shirt, just with a pair of tights beneath. “Got any more coffee? I woke up with a minor headache.”
“Let me find you something for that. Be right back.” Lourdes gets up and turns to rush out but stops and hugs me instead. It’s a quick one, but I feel her relief and I kiss her forehead before nudging her toward the door.
“Mom’s bathroom should have something for that.”
“Okay.” She brushes by Mariah and surprises us both by giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, new cousin.”
My girl’s shocked, but I’m not. She’s too lovable for her own good.
I’ve been powerless against her after her threat to shoot me the day we met.
“Hi.”
“Morning, linda.” A hint of a blush crosses her cheeks, and she shuffles closer when I crook a finger, pulling her between my parted legs at the counter. Her warmth seeps into my skin. Her touch sets my heart ablaze. “How bad is it?”
“Mild. Don’t worry.” Her hands cup my face, thumbs sweeping beneath my eyes. “You sleep okay?”
