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Life teaches us hard lessons. Necessary lessons. People get hurt learning them, even people who may not deserve it. At times, however, life offers up a reward for a lesson learned. Compensation for the pain you’ve gone through in gaining a bit of life’s hard knocks. I knew exactly what Steve wanted to ask me. What he wanted to know. And as I sat there at my desk, my heart beating in my chest, blood rushing in my ears, all I could think of was this; I wouldn’t lie this time. He wanted to talk. To me. And I would tell him the truth. Tell him everything about me, who I really was, the decisions I’d made and the consequences thereof. I didn’t know how he’d respond. Maybe he’d tell me what a complete piece of shit I was for doing what I’d done. I hoped that wouldn’t be the case. What I really wanted to believe was that he wanted to hear from me if I felt the same way as he did. I wanted to believe he wanted to know whether I, like him, had not had ‘a single day since I left Chicago that I have not thought of you.’ That’s what I hoped he would ask. Because I knew how to answer that question. It was simple.

“Of course not. There hasn’t been a single day.”

That’s what I wanted. What I needed to tell him. Because it wasn’t a lie. It was the truth. And I needed him to hear it from me. I needed for him to see that I was capable of speaking without it being a story. A lie.

I knew if I could just talk to him, I could do it. I would do it.

Was I sure he would believe me?

No.

But I was damned sure going to try.