AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Nix.
It always, always came back to him. The invisible tether binding us, refusing to let me forget. But the more I thought about it, the more I let myself look at things, truly look at my life and the future, the more certain I was that I couldn’t hold Nix back.
I needed him to pursue the scholarship—for both of us—even if I didn’t end up going with him. He had to do it.
He had to.
I didn’t realize I was crying until a big fat tear dripped off my face, landing on my t-shirt and saturating the thin material.
Wiping my eyes with the heels of my palms, I sucked in a sharp breath. Dr. Katy said crying was a good thing. That it helped reduce stress hormones. But I didn’t like it. I’d spent too many years crying with little or no positive outcome. Crying because I was sad or lonely or scared. Crying because my mom didn’t turn up for show and tell at school or yet another parent teacher conference.
Crying took me back to those memories, to that desperate, desolate place where I was just a girl who wanted her mom to care. And knew she never would.
I gripped the fence and tipped my face to the sky, letting the balmy air wash over me. You’re okay, Harleigh. You’re okay… you’re okay. But I didn’t feel okay.
I was tired of it all. So freaking tired. At least before when I’d been a quiet, meek girl, I hadn’t questioned everything. My own mind hadn’t constantly worked against me, whispering dark evil things.
My heart cinched, that familiar hollow feeling spreading through me.
Nix filled the void. Just as Celeste and Chloe and Nate did. Friends—they were my friends. And Nix was so much more than that. No words could even begin to describe what he meant to me. But it was temporary. Precarious and fragile. A Band-Aid on a wound I feared would never heal.
The tears came harder, faster as emotion crashed over me. Anger. Sadness. Love. Desperation. Hopelessness… Hope.
It was exhausting to feel so much and nothing at all. To be overwhelmed and somehow numb all at the same time.
I needed to confront Michael. If I ever truly wanted to move forward, I needed to face the truth. I needed to call him out on everything and admit that Nix was a part of my life again.
But I wasn’t ready.
For all that it meant, all that it would change.
My cell phone vibrated but I ignored it. I didn’t want to speak to anyone right now. Sobs wracked my body as I embraced the memories, all the pain and anguish.
I could still remember that night like it was yesterday. How smooth and cold the razor felt in my fingers, the way it slid into my skin like butter. The blood. So much bright-red blood, dripping down my hand like the tears dripping down my cheeks.
But I’d survived.
That was what I held onto. When the days got too hard and the nights were endlessly dark, I clung to the good things. The little things.
To the hazy dreams I’d once had.
Because if I let them slip away…
“I’m here, B.” Strong arms wrapped around me, and Nix dipped his chin to my shoulder, hugging me tight. “I’m right here.”
“N-Nix?” His name was a whisper on my lips.
“I’m here,” he said, kissing my cheek, letting his mouth linger. “I’m here.”
“How did you know I was out here?” A shiver went through me.
“I told you, B. I’ll always find you.” I gazed up at him and he smiled. “Always.”
