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“He asked me to Homecoming.” A giddy expression washed over her. “I mean, I told him I’d think about it. I didn’t want to seem too eager, you know? But it felt right, Harleigh. It felt… wonderful.”
Guilt and shame rose inside me, choking the air from my lungs. God, I was a horrible person to make this about me. But I needed her. I needed Celeste more than I cared to admit. But I couldn’t burst her bubble, I wouldn’t.
“Anyway, if we do end up going together, we can all go. Maybe you can ask Nate or—”
“Nate?” My attention snagged on his name. “Why the hell would I ask Nate?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “You two seemed kind of close tonight.”
“Yeah, well we’re not.”
“Sorry, I just thought—”
“You don’t have to worry about me, Celeste,” I said, relieved it was dark enough to hide the truth in my eyes.
“Nothing will change,” she said softly, cushioning the words with a half-promise.
Because we both knew love changed everything.
And not always for the better.
The next morning, I watched Celeste at breakfast, glued to her cell phone, a dreamy expression plastered on her face. And the pit in my stomach I’d fallen asleep with only grew.
It was already happening. It would start with some flirty texts back and forth, and then Miles would ask her out. Before long they would be inseparable, and I would be the third wheel to their fledgling relationship.
A burden that would eventually suffocate them.
“Who’s that?” Max asked, flicking his head to his sister’s cell phone.
“Miles.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re finally giving Mulligan a shot?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh come on, Sis. You’re not that dumb. Mulligan has been trailing you around like a lost puppy since eighth grade.” Her cheeks pinked as she muttered something under her breath, making Max chuckle. “So predictable. Shame you both have to babysit weirdo.”
“Max!” Celeste fumed, sending me an apologetic smile that did nothing to ease the knot in my stomach.
She’d given him hell for revealing my secret to his friends but Sabrina had quickly put an end to their fighting. Not that I’d expected anything else.
“What?” He shrugged wearing a mask of innocence. “I’m only saying what we’re all thinking. Although if the rumors are true, maybe Nate can keep her company.”
Celeste came to my defense. “Shut up, Max. It’s not even like that.”
“Oh, come on—”
But I was already out of my seat, heading for the stairs and my room beyond that. I couldn’t sit and listen to his cruel words, even if they held some degree of truth.
Tears stung my eyes as I headed straight for the roof terrace, slamming the door behind me. Going to the balustrade, I clenched my hand into a fist, hard enough that my nails cut into my palm. The pain was an instant relief, soothing the storm raging inside me.
I breathed in for four seconds, held it for seven, and exhaled for eight, repeating it over and over until the rapid beat of my heart slowed and the tremors running through me began to ebb away.
Of course Celeste wasn’t going to be around forever. It was silly to think she would be. But she’d been my crutch ever since I’d gotten out of Albany Hills. It wasn’t that we were half-sisters—that didn’t really matter to me at all—it was that she had chosen to befriend me, to get to know me beyond the awful introduction we’d had last year, when I’d first moved here.
It was more than I could say for my father, Sabrina, and Max. Even Mrs. Beaker had kept her distance, acting polite but wary around me. And I got it, I did. I’d freaked out last November, and I’d scared them all. But I was trying to do better, trying not to lose myself to those thoughts again.
Stop. Breathe. Focus. Focus on something positive. A small achievable goal to give you purpose. But I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t find something in the shadows closing in around my thoughts, blotting out all the bursts of light. If I didn’t do something, I’d quickly find myself at the bottom of a black hole so deep, I would never crawl back out.
