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* * *
“Ishould leave more often.My condo is better than when I left it,” Mom declares over her salad at Cara’s. “Your cleaner took good care of it while I wasaway.”
"Glad to hear it." I reach for my coffee, wishing it was somethingstronger.
We’re sitting at a beautiful table outside, and Mom was delighted when I invited her and picked her upmyself.
“You know,” I start, clearing my throat, “Entertainment Weeklyhad an article rumoring there could be a reboot of yourshow.”
Mom beams in delight. “I didn’t know you read that, Benjamin.” She leans in. “Between us, there may have been a couple of conversations thisweek.”
“Seriously?” Tris asks, looking betweenus.
“Mhmm. Daisy helped me read through the script. She made a very dashingSalvatore.”
Tris shakes his head ruefully. “She’s one in amillion.”
My brother rises, making the excuse of needing to go to thebathroom.
“Wait a week before tellingher.”
My best friend's suggestion comes back fullforce.
The words stick in my throat but I force them out. Each one feels like a blade, slicing at my tongue andlips.
“Mom, Daisy and I aren't datinganymore.”
I wait for her to demand to know what I did wrong. To my surprise, she pats my hand. “I’m sorry, Benjamin. You’re proud and suspicious and think conversation is a full-contact sport. But you loveher.”
“I don’t want to.” I set down the mug and rub a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends. Even that reminds me of her. “I’ve seen what love does to people. It never endswell.”
“Never? There are plenty of couples who don't end up like your father and me. And even if I could go back, I wouldn’t changeit.”
“That soundsterrible.”
“Some of life is pain. You can’t have the beauty without the awfulness. Your father didn’t want the same things I did. I’ve made my peace with that. What’s a shame is when two people want the same things but are too afraid to takethem.”
I think of my best friend, the times she’s had my back, how it felt to have her by my side and in my arms and thinking of her. I want her there. Because now that she’s gone, everything isempty.
My bed, my thoughts, myheart.
Mom’s mouth purses, my pain reflected on her face. “You have a soft heart. Don’t be afraid to share it with the right person for fear of it being broken. Hearts don’t get stronger from being protected. They get stronger from beingused.”
* * *
After I drop Mom off,it’s Tris and me in thecar.
Tris lifts his wrist, the watch from our dad. “I know you think I was on Dad's side growing up. Before he left, he said, 'Don't worry. You have yourbrother.'"
My gaze flies tohim.
"You want to prove you’re a better man, taking care of Mom, of me, becoming more successful than he ever was? You are. You don't have to take his place to make it true. You deserve to be happy, and so doesDaisy.”
Over the past few days, I’ve been replaying that night all those years ago. The fact that she lied to me hurts, but what hurts even more is that I think some part of meknewit was her. But I wanted it to be her so much, I was afraid to believe that waspossible.
I never stopped to think about what it was like for her—that night, and the days and weeks after. To be mistaken for her twin only for Vi to leave. Daisy was hurting that night. It’s part of what drew me to her in the firstplace.
I wanted to help us both by pretending we were dating, but I made thingsworse.
