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He loves me. But he doesn’t want to be withme.
I’m still notenough.
Only this time, it has nothing to do with my sister and everything to do withme.
* * *
"I’mglad you decided to come," Lily says as she holds the door to the climbing gym Thursdayafternoon.
“It’s the first time you’ve expressed an interest in climbing.” I leave my sunglasses in place as I follow her inside. "Plus, my ass needs theworkout."
We get ourselves checked in and change into our gear before heading out into the mainarea.
“I’ve been talking to professors at school about getting a research assistant position," shesays.
Surprise has me turning to look at her as I get out my harness and strap it around my waist and legs. “That’sgreat.”
“I want to help pay for mytuition.”
“I have it covered. I’m getting a final check from the Vanes after thewedding."
She squeezes my arm. “Then I’m going to start helping with rent. Or at least bagels. I know I'm not the most… worldly, but I'm figuring itout.”
“You don't have to change for anyone, but I’m glad. Not that you’re paying for things, but that you're expanding who you think youare.”
“It was Ben’sidea."
My hands still on the clip at my waist. The past week I've been able to focus on work and the Vane wedding, plus make plans for goingforward.
None of it made it easier spending Friday night without Ben, or the weekend thatfollowed.
"The way you’ve been acting the last week is scaring me,” Lil comments as if reading my mind. “You barely say anything. You live at the office and in your room. I figured you'd at least want to talk about…something.”
"There's nothing to talk about. Ben needed a fake girlfriend for the month. The month is over, and so arewe."
I work my way up the wall, even though part of me wants to punch it. Once I reach the top marker, I glance over my shoulder to tell Lil I’m coming down, but I’m so surprised by what I see that I let go anyway. The lead rope snapstaut.
"What are you doing here?" I calldown.
"You skipped out on happy hour last week and we figured after the Vane rehearsal, you could use a break," Kendallsupplies.
“So we brought happy hour to you." Rena holds out aflask.
I can't helpsnorting.
They release the lead rope a bit at a time as I work my way down thewall.
“Plus, it’s obvious you’ve been keeping something inside,” Kendall says as I reach thebottom.
“Tris didn’t textyou?”
They exchange alook.
“Okay fine, Tris texted, too. But we waited a few days to see if you’d say something. Now, we’reintervening.”
My muscles tremble when my feet hit the floor. I brush my hands off on my pants. “Well, there’s no point hiding it. Ben and I brokeup.”
Their faces fill withempathy.
