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My heart is cracking even before he speaks. “You have no idea how much I wanted to hear that. When I was in Seattle, it was all I could think about. Right now…” His haunted gaze meets mine. “I can’t even think about us. And it hurts to say those words because they’re selfish. But they’re also true, and you deserve thetruth.”
A deep ache starts in my ribs. He cares about me. About us. He has to, I see it in the way he looks at me. The way he has my back. Every time he touchesme.
But right now, it’s as if Wes’s entire world is as bleak and gray as the skiesoutside.
“I get it, Wes. You need sometime.”
Wes lifts the cocktail to his lips. I expect him to down this one too, but instead, he takes a sip, then sets it on the table. “It’s possible. Or maybe this is who I am, and I can’t pretend to be something else, even if I wish it was true. I don’t want to promise something I can’t promise. Because you, Josephine Elizabeth Serena Crawford, have everything to give another person. And you deserve better than to wait around for someone. You deserveeverything.”
I don’t want everything, I want to say.I wantyou.
I fight the tears, watching defeat and agony and bitterness dance through hiseyes.
I don’t touch him again, because if I do, it’s over. I won’t everleave.
But I won’t beg. Not even forWes.
I won’t try to change his mind, or tell him I hate the thought of not being with him, or that he’s being completelyirrational.
Because Wes is smart and he knows all ofit.
Which makes this hurt that muchworse.
“Excuseme.”
I head for the bathroom, keeping my head held high. A throat clearing behind the bar has me pausing midwaythere.
“Are you leaving, MissCrawford?”
“Yes. I thinkso.”
“Are you and Dr. Robinsonfinished?”
I feel Wes’s gaze heavy on me, but when I turn toward him, he’s back in the chair, staring at thefire.
“I hopenot.”
The bartender clears his throat. “I meant with yourdrinks.”
“Oh.” I rub the corner of my eye. “I am. But get him whatever he wants for as long as hewants.”
27
Wes
“Wesley.You sublet my apartment to a dozen grad students to earn double what I’m charging you in rentyet?”
It’s nearly midnight here when my friend, whose apartment I’m in,calls.
“I only found five. Barely breaking even. How’sAustralia?”
“Hot as hell. You know there’re snakes here? Bigones?”
“I heard a rumor.” I stop folding laundry long enough to switch on my headphones, sticking the phone back in mypocket.
“How’s your dad doing?” heasks.
“He died. Ten weeksago.”
