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“He planned everything so perfectly, and Seaside is the cutest beach town. I can’t wait to go back.” I fill her in on the rest of our trip, from the gorgeous house we stayed in, to our boat day and stroll through the little town.
“I’m happy for you. You deserve it all, Liv. He really is a great guy and you two are going to have the most beautiful babies.”
“Ha! Don’t get ahead of yourself. How can we make babies if we can’t even figure out how to live in the same zip code?” I set my tea on the side table and flop back onto the sofa, hugging my knees into my chest.
“It will all get worked out. If you two love each other, you will find a way. That I know for sure.”
“I hope you’re right. But the real reason I called is to talk about the giant cloud looming over our heads - tomorrow and dad’s release. Have you heard what time he’s getting out?”
“A tentative time. Mom talked to his lawyer and it looks like sometime around four o’clock. So, I was planning on being at mom’s house for two. I can pick you up along the way if that will work for you?”
“That would be great. Thanks Kate. Can you swing by Bloom? I should work in the morning considering I’ve been a little MIA lately.”
“Ellie understands. Don’t worry for a second. She is just as happy as I am for you and Parker. But yes, I can pick you up at Bloom. Where are you at with all of this? How are you feeling about seeing Dad tomorrow?”
I watch the steam rising from my mug and reply, “God Kate, I just don’t want to see him. Does that make me a bad person? I am really nervous how my reaction will be when I do see him. How are you feeling about it?”
“I’m nervous too, but I’m looking forward to putting this all behind us. Mom is happy and although you and I have mixed emotions about that, it’s her life and she’s a grown woman. If she can put it all behind her and move forward, then we have to support her.”
“You are probably right, but I just don’t get it. I know how happy mom is, but I can’t get past what he did to her. The man cheated on her for over a year and destroyed our family in the process.” I know Kate is right but unlike her, I just can’t leave it in the past. I could never forgive my husband for sleeping with another woman half her age, let alone the illegal shit he was doing behind our backs.
“Olivia, I am struggling with it, too. I don’t expect to have a perfect relationship with Dad right away, but we have to try and piece together some kind of relationship with him for Mom’s sake. You don’t have to forgive him. Let’s just see what he has to say.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not forgiving him. I’m nowhere near forgiveness.”
“I can appreciate that. You don’t have to forgive him today, tomorrow or even next year, but you do have to find a way to move past it. For your sake. You need to put this to rest so you can move on with your life and truly be happy.”
Over the years, I’d wondered if it would ever be possible. I’ve been so bitter and angry that forgiveness has seemed impossible. But I’ve found happiness now and being happy can put things into perspective. I don’t want to hold a grudge forever and it would be nice to have my family back together. I know I’ll never be able to forget what he did, but could it be possible to find forgiveness?
“I know you are right. I’ll try to keep an open mind tomorrow. I better run, I need to call mom and I should probably down an entire bottle of wine before I do that. I can already hear her now. How excited is she? Like a forty on a scale of one to ten?”
“Let’s just say you’ll want to make it a quick call. And yes, I recommend the wine.”
“Tell me she didn’t order a slew of pink flamingos for the front lawn?”
Kate chuckles. “Close. But even she’s not that crazy.”
“Let’s hope. Okay, I guess I’ll get this over with. See you tomorrow, Katie-Kat.”
“See you tomorrow, Olivia.”
I take my mug to the kitchen and swap it for a glass of wine. I’m definitely going to need something stronger for my next call.
My mom is in an annoyingly fantastic mood when she answers the phone. She is clearly excited that the big day has finally come. I bite my lip, not wanting to steal her joy, but it’s hard. So hard.
“Hi angel, did you hear? Your dad will be released at four tomorrow. Isn’t that just the best news? You are able to make it, right? He’ll be so happy to see you.”
“Yes Mom, I’ll be there. I already talked to Kate and we will be by your place just after two to pick you up.”
“I know it’s going to be tough, but your dad really wants to make amends with you and your sister. He just feels awful for what he’s done to you both. I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive him.”
It’s not worth getting into it with my mom. We have never seen eye-to-eye on this subject and that isn’t going to change anytime soon. It’s easier if I just tell her what she wants to hear.
“I’ll get there, Mom. I just need some time.” I flick on the television as a distraction.
“Olivia, try not to focus on the bad. There was plenty of good, too. Your dad was a wonderful father to you. Remember all those summers on the boat? He taught you how to fish and you two would sit on the back of the boat for hours waiting for a bite. He never missed one of your school theater productions and he would treat you and your friends to ice cream after every performance. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for you.”
I sigh, trying to keep the frustration from my voice. “I wish I could forgive as easily as you, Mom. I really do.”
