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Thankfully our instructor starts the class, putting an end to the uncomfortable conversation. Jules didn’t seem too bothered by it and we all have a great class. I leave feeling relaxed and centered, but I know the feeling won’t last long. I’ve been putting off talking to my mom, but I know I need to do it soon. I decide that I also need to talk to Parker about it all, to let him in. He deserves honesty from me if we are going to have a chance at making this relationship work.
We end the night with dinner and drinks at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. I drop Jules off at her house and almost immediately my phones buzzes with a message. I laugh, thinking how in tune Parker is with me. He knows the minute my evening out has ended and I’m sure he’s excited for our night to begin.
I check my phone and am disappointed. It’s a text from my mom and as soon as I see it a pit forms in my stomach. I pull up the text and it’s her confirmation of my father’s release date, this Monday. She’s written it like it’s something we should all be celebrating. Like it’s an invitation to a party. I feel sick to my stomach. I drop the phone into my purse, unable to respond. My hands start to shake. I take three deep breaths and try to clear my head. I know I should be relieved that he’s finally being released; I guess a part of me is. However, I’ve worked really hard to rise from the ashes he left behind, and to take back control of my life. I’ve moved past the shame and the hurt and have found a way to carry on. I’m scared of starting our relationship over. I’m also scared to watch my mother take him back with open arms after all these years without asking for what she deserves. An apology, at the very least.
After several minutes, I start my drive to the beach house. I pull into the driveway in a fog, not even knowing how I got there.
Parker is waiting for me, leaning his shoulder into the doorframe with a gorgeous, smoldering smile. He looks so handsome in a faded grey t-shirt stretched across his muscular chest and black athletic shorts. I should be ecstatic to see him, but not even this beautiful man standing in front of me is enough to calm my nerves.
I get out of my car and walk towards him, closing the distance between us. It must be written all over my face because I watch his face drop as I get closer. He pulls me to him, and his strong arms feel like a blanket wrapped around me. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and try to hold myself together, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“Baby, are you okay? You look sad. Did something happen with the girls?” Parker wipes the tear away with the tips of his fingers.
“No, our night was great. It’s not that.”
“Well then what is it? You know you can talk to me, Livy. Let me try to fix it.”
I lay my cheek on his warm chest and he kisses the top of my head. I feel safe in his arms and protected from the world outside this house. He continues to run his hands up and down my back.
“Come here, babe. Let’s go inside.”
He guides me into the living room and lowers himself to the couch bringing me into his lap. He has one arm behind my back, his other hand on my legs that are draped across his thigh.
“Talk to me, Livy. What’s going on?” Parker brushes the edge of my jaw with the back of his hand, his tone warm and caring, and it makes me want to melt into his arms.
“My mom just texted me with my dad’s release date. He’s coming home Monday. I know we haven’t talked about any of this, but I think we need to now.”
“I agree. I’ve wanted to bring it up but didn’t want to push you. You haven’t seemed ready to talk about it and the last thing I wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable.” Parker’s warm hand grips my thigh gently. “I’m here for you and I want to help you through this.”
“It’s not something I like to talk about. I don’t even bring it up with my mom or my sister. I carry so much shame over it and wish it would just go away. It all makes me so angry. It’s confusing. My mom lives in some crazy dream world. She pretends like he’s off on some vacation and will return to us like nothing ever happened. Doesn’t she see what he did to us? He ruined all of our lives.”
I feel so vulnerable in this moment with Parker, and that feeling is foreign to me. I have become so much stronger over the years. I’ve gotten used to not needing anyone. Until now.
“I’m so sorry, Livy. I wish I could take all of your pain away. Do you visit him?”
“I have, but not often. I go with my mom on holidays and special occasions and when I do, I feel like I’m just going through the motions. It’s awkward and I doubt our relationship will ever be the same. I don’t know if I will ever forgive him for the suffering and embarrassment he has caused us.”
“I think you need to talk to him. You need to hear him out and get his side of story. It’s not always black and white. Give him the opportunity. You will never know until you try.” Parker takes my hand in his and kisses the back of my knuckles. “You can’t live like this forever. You’re so tense, your whole body is rigid. It’s not healthy.”
“Parker, you saw what it did to our family. We lost everything because of him, and our name was dredged through the mud. It wasn’t fair to us. He should have thought about us before he did what he did. And don’t even get me started on that hoe he was doing behind my mother’s back. She was eight flipping years older than me. Eight!”
“I know. It was awful and my heart broke for you. Correction, it was awful and revolting. But he’s your dad. People make mistakes and deserve second chances. Forgiving your father doesn’t mean you are okay with his actions. It means you will no longer allow those actions to hurt your heart. Let me go with you on Monday. We can face it together.”
“I haven’t even decided if I want to see him on Monday.” I close my eyes, holding back the tears that are threatening to spill down my cheeks.
“Whatever you decide, I’m here for you. Take some time to think it over and when you’re ready let me know. It’s your decision, Livy, and you need to do what feels right.” Parker places his finger under my chin and tilts my head, so his eyes meet mine. “Okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Parker.” I press a gentle kiss to his mouth. I am starting to realize that I need him more than I have been willing to admit.
“As much as I like your body on mine, let me make you some tea and run you a warm bath. Maybe we could take a walk on the beach afterwards? How does that sound?”
“Perfect. I would like that a lot.” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek, his forehead and his jaw, followed with a kiss to his lips, showing Parker how much I appreciate him.
I follow him down the hall to the bathroom, and watch him run the water, filling the tub. He adds a handful of Epsom salts. Together we lift my workout top over my head and then I remove the rest of my clothes.
“Hop in, baby, I’ll go turn the kettle on.”
“Parker?”
