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“I know,” I said, sitting across from her desk. “And I’m sorry about that. I know in this job it happens all the time.”
She shook her head. “I’ve had people who’ve worked here for thirty years who still have to take a break here and there. Getting invested is part of the job, and sometimes that investment hurts more than others. This might be the first time it hit you hard, but when it happens again, because there will be another time when someone’s passing hits you hard. The worst thing you can do is to take it personally.”
“I think taking it personally is the problem,” I said, rubbing my jaw in frustration.
“No, not the passing of someone you grew close to, but the fact that you’re a human being, you know, who feels things. I expect you to be professional, compassionate, and willing to do a hard job, but that doesn’t mean I expect you to be completely immune to the full gamut of human emotions, including grief.”
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, unsure what to say. It had always felt like emotions came a little too easily for me growing up. In fact, my emotions had led me to some dangerous and illegal places more than once. It wasn’t until I was placed with Diane and Tony that I learned some measure of control and started to believe that perhaps there were good things in this world I could hold onto and not just expect them all to be taken from me.
That didn’t mean I trusted my emotions, however, and especially not my reactions to them. My temper still tended to get the better of me, and even my happiness and enjoyment could tilt me off balance if I wasn’t careful. It was too easy for me to tell myself what I felt was perfectly acceptable, but I was never quite sure if what I was doing about my feelings was all that acceptable.
“I know,” I said, shifting again uncomfortably, but this time in the face of my life rather than her understanding. I didn’t believe what she said was true, or rather that she was right in that I was doing something perfectly natural.
“No you don’t,” she said simply because I attracted difficult and direct women into my life no matter what I did. “But you will, in time. You’re definitely someone I can see working in this field for the long term. And this latest need for a break is one reason for that. You managed a few years before something hit you hard, but something did. I don’t want heartless robots doing this job, and you’ve got the spirit for it.”
“Thanks,” I said awkwardly, taking the compliment as clunkily as I normally did.
“Is this you trying to tell me you’re ready for something else?” she asked, arching a brow.
“Actually, that’s exactly why I came in here. I think I’m ready to try taking on a long-term position,” I told her, straightening in my seat. “I think it’s past time.”
“Well, that’s certainly good timing because I do have someone,” she said, leaning forward and opening a desk drawer.
“That…quick?” I asked. Of course, there was always more demand for us than supply, but she seemed downright eager.
“We’ve got a special case,” she said with a smirk, pulling out a folder.
“Oh dear,” I said with a sigh. I might not be a veteran of the job like she and Sheila were, but I knew a special case was rarely a good case. It generally meant the patient was hell on wheels, or the family in charge of their care was.
“Sophia Perkins,” she said, sliding a piece of paper across the table toward me.
The picture on the paper was of an older woman, lines drawn into her face, but her eyes were sharp and clear as they gazed back at the camera. I wasn’t a big believer in knowing a person before I’d met them, but there was something both regal and unnerving about the woman. It was in the upright way she held herself for a picture simply for the care service’s records or in the upscale but modest clothing that she wore save for a sparkle of what looked like a brooch near her throat.
“Looks like money,” I said instead of giving voice to my true assessment.
“You’re not a Cresson Point native, so you wouldn’t know the name,” she said, tapping the paper. “The Perkins family has been here since before Cresson Point was even a true city. They’re one of the few families that are the backbone of the whole place. Started as loggers but quickly moved into buying land, and they’re well known as real estate moguls who have plenty of fingers in other pies.”
“Well, I wasn’t wrong then,” I said, looking over the basic information. “Oh shit, pancreatic cancer.”
“Caught at a decent time, but still in desperate need of care,” Rhonda explained, leaning back in her chair. “Sophia is also very…particular.”
“Which is where I’m guessing the ‘special case’ part comes in.”
“That’s exactly where it comes in. She has, at this point, absolutely refused to have a female caregiver.”
I arched my brow. “Well…that’s unusual.
I had no idea what the exact reason was, but people tended to respond to female nurses and caregivers far more positively than they did to male ones. Perhaps it was simply that women were seen as more compassionate and maternal, or maybe people just saw men as untrustworthy. I suspected there was no easy answer, and it varied between people.
This was the first time I had ever seen a woman downright refuse to have a female and insist upon a male, however.
“She has…strong opinions about females working in her employ,” Rhonda said with a chuckle. “Unfortunately for her, considering the bulk of most care and nursing jobs are handled by women. That said, the few men I have working here are either busy on their own assignments or have been on an unofficial hiatus like yourself.”
“Ah, well, that explains why you were so eager to find out I was back on the horse,” I said with a laugh, letting the page drop. “Do I wanna know why she’s not big on women?”
“Finds them untrustworthy. Admittedly, the last caregiver we sent stole from Sophia, so I imagine that didn’t help her opinion much,” Rhonda admitted with a grimace. “It took me sending James over to talk to her to make sure she didn’t leave our company.”
Which I thought was a perfect example of why I did not envy her position. Along with juggling several different personalities through her employees, the patients and their families, she always had to keep the business at the forefront of her mind. I knew the company had to make sure they were making a profit, otherwise, there would be no company. Yet I didn’t think I’d ever want to be the person who had to stand the line between caregiving and profit either.
