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“Maybe,” I admit. “But I’m just unsure about it.”
Lena rolled toward me, fitting her back to my chest with an ease that made me ache. We fit together perfectly, and I was getting to the point where I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
She was sleepy but still paying attention. “Why unsure?”
“Don’t know if it will make the nightmares worse.”
“You should ask Dr. Rayne. See what she thinks.”
I wrapped an arm around her waist. “Not a bad idea. But I also don’t want to leave you, in case anything happens.”
She made a little sound. “I’ll be okay. Those cupcakes were great, things are open, and you being gone for a day won’t change anything. So if you think it will help, then you should go.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Good.”
Would it help? That was the question. But Lena saying I should go eased a little worry I had. I still didn’t think things at Deja Brew were an accident, but she was right too. My being gone for a day or two wouldn’t make much difference. Especially if I could ask Daniel to keep an eye out.
Regardless, I didn’t have to think about it now. Now, all I wanted to do was hold Lena and sleep.
* * *
The sound tore me from sleep, and I sat straight up, looking for the source. The attacker. It took long seconds to realize I wasn’t dreaming. This wasn’t a nightmare. I was perfectly clear and in Lena’s bedroom.
The sound was coming from her. She was curled in on herself, nearly fetal, moaning. Was she having a nightmare?
I knelt on the bed, turning her over. “Lena? Wake up for me, sweetheart.”
Another keening sound came out of her, and her eyes flew open. She lunged, pushing past me and off the bed, running for the bathroom. “Lena?”
The porcelain clank of the toilet seat echoed, followed by the sound of vomiting. Holy shit.
I counted the days in my head. We hadn’t been together long enough for Lena to be pregnant. It wouldn’t be a problem if she was, but we’d been careful, and I didn’t think this was it. I followed her into the bathroom where she’d collapsed, head over the toilet. She made a sound of regret. “Ugh. It’s okay. You don’t need to see this.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve seen worse things in my day than some puking.”
As if my words conjured more, she heaved into the toilet again. I grabbed a washcloth and soaked it with cool water before lifting her hair off her neck and placing it there. Then I turned on the shower. “Maybe it was the orange chicken,” I said quietly, keeping my voice soothing. “You ate all of it before I had a chance to.”
“Maybe.” She sounded miserable. I flushed the toilet before lifting her off the floor. “No, Jude, I don’t think I can move. It’s not done. I can tell.”
“I’m not taking you back to bed. I’m just moving you into the shower. It may sound strange, but it will help.”
“Okay.”
She didn’t fight me as I stripped her out of my shirt she was wearing and her underwear. The water in the shower wasn’t hot or cold; it was perfectly in the middle. I nudged the temperature a little toward the warm side. Lena moaned. “I don’t want to throw up in the shower.”
“It’s all going to the same drain, baby.” I lifted her under the spray with me. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”
I did have her, and I would always have her.
It occurred to me these were the moments wedding vows referred to. Sickness and health. My nightmares and hers, whatever this was. I didn’t need a vow to know I would happily do this for her forever.
The clock read a little after three, and we stayed there on the floor of the shower until well past five, when Lena finally collapsed against me after another round of heaving. “I think that’s it,” she said. “I can’t explain it. It just feels like whatever it was is gone.”
“Okay. Stay here in the water for a second, okay?” I stepped out and grabbed a towel before I brought her out and dried her. Normally, Lena would joke with me or laugh and push me away if I tried to do things like this. Right now, she was barely moving.
I dried her as best I could before putting her back into bed, not bothering to dress her just in case she needed to get back in the shower fast. “I’m going to get you some water, and I’m going to call Evelyn and tell her you’re not coming in.”
