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But it didn’t matter. I did feel that way. I was in love with Lucas. How could I have not told him that? How could I have doubted that the feeling was real? And I wasn’t going to be able to say it now. Because it was over. Nathan had won.
I wished I could go back to that moment and tell him.
Hand muffling my breath, I breathed slowly for as long as possible. Time didn’t exist in perfect darkness. But I felt it passing. Stretching out and rushing back again. Things were slipping away. I felt thin. Like my connection to things was weakening. Pain was fading away.
Lucas’s hands on me. I could feel them, but they weren’t real. They were nothing more than memories comforting me on my journey elsewhere. He whispered my name. I loved the way he said it, like it was something precious to him.
Then he called me from far away, but that was impossible. My mind was playing tricks on me. So this was what dying was like. Somehow I’d thought I’d feel more... anything. But everything was muted now, like the volume had been turned down on my senses.
My name again. Maybe there was someone waiting for me beyond. Maybe there was an afterlife.
Time was running out. I knew that. My hands had fallen away from my mouth, and each breath felt less full than the last. There were sounds that I didn’t understand. Scraping. And clanging. And my name. That sound was getting closer. But I wasn’t. I was retreating and fading. And it was fine. Peaceful. At least it was peaceful.
A sound like thunder cracked around me and everything moved. Light blinded me, the world going white, and in the next moment there was sound and pain and air. Life crashed back into me all at once, my body trying to take more air than it could at once. I was coughing, choking, and my body was on fire because there were hands on me.
“Evelyn.”
It was Lucas. He’d found me after all. I was lifted into the air and I felt the sun on my skin and everything hurt. In the dark, I’d felt clear, but in the real world, I knew that the drugs were still in me. I couldn’t move right. Not that I had the strength to.
His face was above me. “Evelyn.” Hands on my body. Gentle, but they still hurt. I couldn’t take my eyes off him, and when he kissed me, it wasn’t real. Was this real? Was this just another hallucination from the lack of air?
I couldn’t take the chance either way—I needed to tell him. “I love you.”
“What?”
Somehow I reached out and touched him. “I love you.”
And the world faded away again. I hoped I would come back.
* * *
The beeping reached me first. Slow and steady. I didn’t hurt as much, but my mind was clearer. There was weight on my legs. My eyes were heavy, but I managed to open them.
I was in a hospital. That was obvious. The beeping was my heart. I could feel the wires attached to my skin. The windows showed me that it was night, and the room itself was dim. But there was light pouring in from the hallway, and the sounds of the hospital filtered through the open door.
This was real, and I was alive.
I was alive.
Sudden emotion flooded my eyes, and my breath came in a ragged sob. He’d found me. Lucas was asleep, his head on my lap. But he was here. With me.
As I moved my legs, Lucas shifted with them, suddenly awake and looking at me. I saw the moment that he realized that I was actually awake. His jaw went slack with shock and then he was leaning up to me. “Evelyn.”
His lips pressed to mine, and he gripped my hand. There was such impossible emotion in that kiss that it stole any remaining breath. He was here. I was here. This was impossible.
“I’m alive?”
Worry and relief clouded his face. “You’re alive.”
I played back those hazy memories before I’d slipped into unconsciousness. I’d been halfway gone. I held his hand a little harder. “It was close, wasn’t it?”
Not a question.
“Yes.”
I shuddered. “Did they... did they tell you—”
“That he burned you again?” Lucas’s eyes were alight with a fire that could destroy worlds. “They told me. He’s in jail right now, and he won’t be coming back out. Ever. Not if I have anything to say about it.”
