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Kate’s eyes widen and her fingers touch her lips as if to stop herself from gasping. “Jesus, I’m so sorry, Drew. That’s awful.”
I nod again, still not having the words, even after three years.
“If it’s any consolation, I think she would be proud of you…” She trails off and then adds. “For helping me tonight. I know that wasn’t easy for you to do with our past.”
I say nothing, because she’s right. I didn’t have to do it and to be honest, when I saw her crying in her car, I almost walked back into my house. I almost told myself that this was her karma for everything she did all those years ago, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that if I did that—walked away—that I’d regret it for the rest of my life.
I pull up to the front doors of the hospital and put the SUV in park, turning to look at her. Her eyes are red rimmed, cheeks blotchy and she has bags under her eyes, but at this moment I can’t help but think how beautiful she looks. Even with all the weight on her shoulders, even with all the crap being flown her way, she still looks breathtaking, and that makes me fucking angry. Why am I attracted to the person I’m supposed to hate? Why does she have to show me this vulnerable side when I was perfectly content creating this monster in my head?
“Thank you,” she whispers, pulling her purse up from between her feet and turning to open the passenger side door.
“Wait,” I say, taking out my phone. “Can I get your number?”
Her eyes widen and a single eyebrow lifts as if questioning my motives.
“It’s so if you need a ride home later, I can come get you,” I offer, already knowing she probably won’t take it, but needing to offer it anyway.
“You would do that?” she asks quietly as if the idea of someone being nice to her doesn’t compute.
I nod my head as she grabs my phone and puts in her number, calling herself so she now has mine. Before I can say anything else, she leans over the center console and kisses my cheek lightly as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
I spent most of my high school years yearning to know what her lips felt like, and yet it’s nothing compared to the flare of arousal that courses through my body the moment her skin touches mine. She gives me a grateful smile before leaning back and opening the door, walking up the walkway and through the sliding glass doors.
I sit there for a few minutes wondering what the hell just happened because I started the day hating Kate Murray, but right now all I can think about is running after her through those doors and making sure she’s okay.
I’m fucking screwed.
Kate
Get your affairs in order. That’s what the doctor said not even ten minutes ago and here I sit with my mother’s frail hand in mine waiting for her to wake up. I take a deep breath because I knew this day was coming. I prepared for this, yet the reality of hearing that I have days, maybe hours left of having my mother on this earth is more than earth shattering... it’s life altering.
I stare at her heart monitor, feeling comfort in the constant beeping that fills the empty room as I rest my head on the side of the bed and wonder for the millionth time what my life is going to be like without her. It’s only ever been us, the two of us against the world... that is until I moved away and chose to leave her and the life I knew behind. She understood why I did what I did. She understood that I had burned too many bridges in those four years and that getting as far away from this small town was the only option. But still, the guilt lingers just under the surface every time I catch her eye, wondering if deep down she hates me for leaving.
I must have fallen asleep because I wake to the feel of my mother’s fingers running through my hair and I take a moment to soak it in. My eyes close once more as I fight back the tears that threaten, not wanting her to see just how much everything is affecting me.
“I know you’re awake, Kate,” she whispers, her fingers scratching the top of my head as I sit up, our eyes connecting for the first time since I was told my world was on the brink of destruction. “There she is,” she teases with a sad smile. “Are you doing okay, sweetie?” she asks, and I nod, hating that I’m lying to her, but knowing it’s for the best. Her gaze lingers on my face for a second and I wonder if she can see how much this does affect me, but just then, the nurse walks into the room to check her vitals, top off her morphine, and then we’re alone once again.
“How are you feeling?” I sit up, yawning as I stretch in the chair that is unnaturally uncomfortable and obviously wasn’t meant to be slept in.
“Like I’m dying,” she says deadpan, and my eyes widen as her face breaks out in a smile I haven’t seen in months. “Come on, Kate, that was a stupid question.”
I nod, knowing she’s right.
“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable,” I admit, hating that no matter what we do, she will always be in some kind of pain.
“It’s manageable right now.” Which is code for it’s bad, but she won’t admit it. “I’m guessing by that look in your eye, the doctor told you.” There’s no elaboration because we both know what she’s talking about, so I nod. “I want you to know something,” she starts, but I shake my head, not ready for this.
“I can’t. Please stop,” I beg, needing some semblance of normalcy right now. “I know we have to have this talk, I know that, but can we just… be us tonight? I just want to hang out with my mom and forget everything that’s going on and the fact that I’m going to have to exist without you. Okay? Can we do that just for tonight?”
The look on her face tells me it’s the last thing she wants to do, but right now, I need to be selfish. I need this moment with her.
“Please?”
“Sure, sweetie,” she concedes as I pick up the remote that’s sitting on the table beside her bed and switch on the small TV that hangs from the ceiling.
“I hear there’s a new episode of the Bachelor tonight.”
Memories of our girls’ nights bombarding me from all those years ago when I was home, and she was healthy.
