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Captain Keya appeared at my shoulder, steering me away as someone ran up to see if the rider was OK. “Don’t worry about her, she’s just a bit jealous. Have a drink and something to eat with the other cadets. You’ll be fine.”
I sat down with the small group of people I’d shared lunch with for much of the three months. Everyone looked up and smiled as I came over, Grey passed me a large flask of water, Vella offering me food from one of the silver trays spread out on the sand. I noted we had a pavilion pitched above, protecting us from the sun, something the riders missed out on.
“Try the salmon,” Alden said, pointing to some canapés on a nearby tray. “It’s delicious.”
“I’m not sure something as dainty as that is going to cut it,” I said, helping myself to several sandwiches on Vella’s tray. “I didn’t bother with breakfast.”
“When you had a morning of throwing yourself off dragons ahead of you? I don’t blame you,” Rylen said.
“Don’t you guys have to do the same?” I said. My training always happened well away from the other riders. I saw glimpses of the acrobatics they had to perform but didn’t really know what they were required to do.
“A group of future civil servants?” Rylen snorted. “They wouldn’t be risking his lordship’s neck at the very least.”
“We each have our roles and each is important,” Alden said, sipping what looked like a glass of wine. “Sabelina is obviously quite put out, not only did you take her spot in the performance, you appear to have ousted her from the Lieutenant’s affections as well.”
“Is that why she’s so pissed at me?” I said, helping myself to more food. I’d built up a huge appetite. “I wasn’t aware of either thing, they told me what to do to get citizenship and I did it.”
“Including sleeping with an officer?” Alden’s brow arched. “My, you are very biddable.”
I flushed red. “That just happened. It’s...” My voice trailed away. I couldn’t really explain what was going on with Keel because I didn’t know. We hadn’t talked that much, it was all training and fucking. I looked back over my shoulder to see Sabelina had moved over to sit with Keel and the other officers during the break. Maybe now we were coming to the end of the performance, we were coming to the end of everything else. I watched them openly. I wasn’t worried about him turning around and noticing, or her. I wasn’t worried about him reading anything into my actions, because I realised, I didn’t really care. My eyes travelled over his lean form, one that was identical to another that I’d spent all that time gazing adoringly at. I didn’t really want him, not really, not Keel, not Merlin. The realisation dropped like a stone into the pool of my mind and I was left looking at the ripples. So what did that mean?
You’re not in a love triangle, you’re just scared.
It wasn’t Miazydar speaking to me. If I’d broached my shambles of a love life with him, he would’ve torn me a new arsehole. This was the voice of something deeper, further within. I tossed the idea around in my mind, baulking at its content. Ash was notoriously gun shy, keeping everyone and everything at arm’s length where she could organise your life and keep you safe without actually engaging with you. I was way more approachable, more open than she was. I’d had plenty of relationships, not many since Kinky-Arse Ken but...
Merlin was always just an idea, a personification of all your old romantic ideas, a teenage phantasm. Of course there’s nothing to your relationship, you don’t really know Keel or Merlin, they just look the way someone you want to love should look.
So what does Flea look like? I thought.
Future.
The word was baldly stated, dense with meaning that hadn’t yet been unpacked. The sandwich fell from my limp fingers. I didn’t have the mental space to deal with this right now, but obviously my mind felt otherwise.
“That won’t happen anymore,” I said belatedly, smiling as I felt the truth of them. While the sex had been great, somehow I was relieved to walk away from it. “Sabelina’s welcome to him and my role in the war games.”
“Now, now.” I turned around to see Keya had returned. “I can’t replace you at this late a stage and you still want to avoid the sundering sword, don’t you?” I nodded. “Well, come on then. You need to jump until you drop or puke, whichever comes first.”
By the time the sun started to lower, my muscles were trembling all over from exhaustion. So much so, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to make it back. I didn’t quibble when Keya finally said I could go, just tucked my helmet under my arm and hobbled away.
“Hey!” I was a quarter of the way home when Keel stopped me. He ran up to me, taking my state in with a rueful smile. “You’ve taken a beating.”
“It’s almost over and I have ibuprofen in my bag, that’s all that’s keeping me going. Your girlfriend can take her position back with my blessing, really.”
“Tess...”
I waved his protest away. “Keel, I think we both needed to scratch an itch with no strings attached. But I don’t need that now, do you?”
“I...”
“Keel!” We both turned to see Sabelina run up, only to snake her hand around his waist. She stared me down, head tucked into the hollow of the man’s shoulder. “I thought you were coming to the Arms?”
“I am, I just wanted to check up on Tess.”
“Why?” she said, turning to face him, her arms wrapped around him. “She’s not worth wasting your time on, she’ll be gone the day after tomorrow.”
He pushed her away, unwinding her limbs and then stepping free. “Enough, Sabe! This jealousy shit is getting old.”
“Jealousy? You’re going to keep up—”
