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Lanwin’s eyebrows popped up and I watched his face keenly. Please chill out and take the damn seafood, I thought. I nearly fainted when a slow smile spread across his face.
He nodded. “You have done your research. Well, at least one of you has.” Ash copped a dark look and she just stuck her tongue out in response, though thankfully only once his back was turned. “A break would be much appreciated.”
I bowed to both men, then pushed my sister out of the refurbished storeroom with a hand on her shoulder. “I need you to remember the rules,” I said.
“Don’t stand, don’t shout,” Ash simpered. “Fuck Tess, they’re trying to rip us off in there. A featherweight of gold per equivalent in feet. That’s bullshit! The reps from Afluse have offered half that!”
“And it should be noted that Afluse has no cockatrice population, but is renown within its world for its poultry. If you read the report I prepared for you?”
“I haven’t had time.”
“Really,” I said, looking over at the guys and their weirdly sexual stocktaking.
“If I read a report on cockatr
ice feet before bed, what do you think is going to pop up in your bedroom the next morning? I swear, I thought we had this curse sorted.”
“OK, I take your point, but the Aflusians are selling fakes, they are notorious for it. It’s kind of a rite of passage for magical ingredient sellers across the dimensions, like apprentice mechanics being sent to get a left-handed screwdriver. So unless you want some really expensive chicken feet…”
Ash sighed, looking up when the doorbells tingled. A woman wearing a lot of patchouli perfume walked in, glancing at the shelves, her eyes widening when she spotted the guys. “Look, I’ll take care of this customer...”
Yes! I thought, yes, yes, yes!
“And you can look after the garden ornaments in there, OK?”
I closed the door behind me, sweeping in with a big silver platter covered in fresh prawns. I was sure the men had begun to drool a little as I brought it closer, placing it on the low coffee table I’d picked up for just this purpose. I turned to go and get some sliced lemon and tartare sauce I’d left in the fridge, but the crunching noises had me looking over my shoulder. Each man had a fist full of shellfish, which was impressive as each prawn was similar in size to their palms. I grabbed the condiments anyway and placed them gingerly in front of them, taking a seat on the floor.
Watching them eat was a little like seeing a car crash. You knew you shouldn’t look, but observing them put the whole prawn in their mouths: shells, head and all, was both grotesque and fascinating. They devoured a good two-thirds of the platter and when they finally sat back in their chairs; I handed out bowls of lemon water and towelettes for them to clean their hands with.
“You seem to understand our ways,” Lanwin said. “Why aren’t you the one hammering out the deal with us?”
“My sister, she’s—”
“What? Older? We got rid of that primogeniture silliness a long time ago. Merit is where your focus should be, not on birth order.”
“In a lot of ways, Ash is better at things than me,” I said.
“Not in this! Silly girl, thinking that she can stand over me and get what she wants. I find tall people quite repulsive myself.”
“Oh yes, and those big grotesque faces with the lubba lubba lips,” Horni said, affecting an exaggerated pout. “Makes us appreciate the dainty lasses when we get home, right, Master?”
They are trying to use insults as a bargaining tool, Miazydar said.
My hand went to my own lips without a thought and when the two of them watched me with slitted eyes and amused smiles, I forced it down into my lap. Dude, I’m getting negged by a couple of gnomes. “Well, I’m here now, so let’s try and sort out this deal. Now, we both know that a featherweight of gold is a ridiculous price.” The men harrumphed at this. “I looked over the sale prices of cockatrice feet for the last three years and you’re not getting anywhere near that domestically.”
“Well, that’s because there was a temporary dip in the market when those Alusians started flooding it!” said Lanwin.
“And this is not a domestic market!” said Horni.
“In a way, it is. I understand charging a rate like that to Refrad and Griador. You have to transport them by horse, ship--.”
“We do indeed. Damned difficult to preserve the bloody things shipboard. Cockatrice are desert creatures, so their skin absorbs moisture like a sponge. Took us quite some time to find a desiccant that would keep them in good condition,” Lanwin said.
“Another reason why Lanwin and Sons are the premier supplier and wholesaler of cockatrice related goods,” Horni said.
Horni, you little bootlick, I thought to myself.
“That is, indeed, quite the innovation. I can see why this puts you ahead of the pack, but the thing is, gentlemen, you do not need to ship your goods any further than two streets from your main warehouse. My grandmother deliberately placed the portal entrance as close to the central business district as she could, something she managed to wrangle from the Grand Gerent at considerable cost, along with this agreement with your father, I believe.”
