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“I scare you,” I said, testing out a theory. He nodded sharply, his eyes dropping to where his fingers worried the texture of the bedspread. “Why?”
That killed the conversation dead before it had started. I watched his face grow more closed off and remote as the seconds ticked by. Alright, new tack or walk away.
It was tempting. I felt curiously powerful in knowing that if I got back into the bed, the guys would feel the movement, the brush of my skin, my scent, and be ready to fall upon me in a moment's notice. So when I turned to Sen, I was able to be something I found difficult—brave.
He wanted to fuck me and avoid answering questions, that was apparent. I could do that, help myself to the obvious bounty of his body and enjoy that novel feeling of discovering someone new.
But I didn’t need that. Heat forced proximity, made us come together in both meanings of the phrase, and if he was going to hold it all back behind a wall…
“How?” I asked my last question.
“What?”
“How do I scare you?”
That seemed to crack his brittle shell, his expression constantly changing as he struggled to get his head around what I’d asked and its implications.
“How?” He laughed, the sound dark and desolate. “By…” He swallowed hard and sat up, hunching over to pick at his fingernails. “I don’t usually approach women before the petitioning process. Not much point. When you all grow up around each other, most women have made up their mind about who they’re considering before the petition even starts. I’ve thrown my hat in the ring. Being told no is just as hard as sitting in your room with the scent of a receptive female in heat in your nose and stroking your cock, so you may as well put yourself out there. But I didn’t do that with you.”
Those eyes slid sideways, holding mine.
“All the guys started calling in to see their mothers when word went around about you. Usually, single women are on our side of the town, easy to access and talk to. But not you. I dropped into the mess, as all my mates were down there, had some breakfast, and then I saw you.
“Maybe this is gonna piss you off, but I watched you for some time. We all did, as you probably know. Looking, wanting, thinking about what it would be like to have you under us…” I felt my cunt spasm at something that had made me uncomfortable at the time. “But when I did, I saw that you were beautiful, felt a damn lightning strike of attraction, going from zero to down-to-fuck right there and then, but that wasn’t what held my attention.”
My breathing was shallow as I waited for his answer, my lungs burning for more oxygen, but I was unwilling to disturb the quiet with it.
“There was a vulnerability to you. No weakness, no fear, just… I felt like I could see the scars all over you that made you what and who you are today—strong, tough, able to take literally anything that life has dished out at you and keep going, but also a…a nakedness. You were like one of those insects that shed their skin, softer, more open, and it made something I’d thought I’d managed to keep down rise. I felt an insane need to…protect, manage, direct. That if you just gave me control, I’d keep you, all of you safe.
“That’s… In Sanctuary, that’s damn near sacrilege. Women are to be worshipped, obeyed, respected, but when I felt it, it felt like all those things too. So across the floor I came, without even thinking about it, plonking myself in front of you and making a play I hadn’t made since I’d just come of age. When you bent your head, I wanted my hand upon it, and when you fidgeted, I wanted to still you. I went to get you a plate of food, as I didn’t know what else to do, and when I gave it to you, I wanted to watch. Watch you eat what I had provided, take strength from it, get pleasure from it and…” He snatched his hand away from the bedcover, finally realising what he was doing and perhaps what it was revealing.
“I wanted to make sure you ate enough, that you were full, sated. That you weren’t letting all the demands on you wear you down. Here that’s madness. Mates care for each other, make sure they’re OK, but to get that involved, and with someone I’d only just met…?”
He looked away, staring at the wall.
“And it didn’t stop. When I saw how you worked as a pack, I could see it, the logic of it all and what was missing.” His eyes dropped down to his hands. “Where I could fit.”
“And now?”
“It’s only become clearer. You have good mates that’ll love you as long as you let them, who’ll raise your son right. Even Noah.” He laughed at that, but the sound died away quickly. “I want to interfere there too. Not let him get too crazy, too quick, just let you adjust and get to know him in bite sized pieces, rather than a big banquet he’s just as likely to try to force your face down in. Your beast wants him, doesn’t she?” I nodded. “Goddess, that just makes this harder.”
He buried his head in his hands, scrubbing at his hair until it stood up at crazy angles.
“Fuck, Flick, if this got out, they’d fucking exile me.”
I couldn’t believe I was about to say this, but I slid my hand across the bed to touch his fingers and his gaze snapped to me. That same flood of heat trickled through the tentative caress.
“So indulge yourself, here and now. I can’t promise I’ll go along with everything you want, but I’d be interested in exploring it. People…they use words and rituals to explore this kind of thing, don’t they?”
“Safe words?” His grin was bright, even if his eyes were still troubled. “Yeah, I guess they do.”
“You’ve never tried that?”
“Sort of. Just play, theatrics at the height of a heat. It’s not the same.”
“No? So what did you do when you were ‘playing’?”
His face transformed at that, some of that dark sensuality flooding in as his eyes scudded over my skin.
